So yeah, I had done two half-assed load days last weekend, but didn't really do them right because I was traveling for work and super busy. And I didn't have my drops with me (you're supposed to start drops on load days, so that your first lo-cal day is actually day 3 of drops). Then on the evening of my second load day, I got what seemed to be the stomach flu and was laid out flat for two days. Seemed like a pretty easy and natural way to switch to 500 cals to me, but my coach/friend Shannon said I should just wait until I was well and could do an honest load up.
So then I found myself 6 pounds up and facing two MORE load days. But I just ate pretty healthy the last few days, nothing extreme, and got my weight back under 200.
Now TODAY, I load up for the second time in a week. This sounds awesome to all of you in perennial diet land, right? It's so weird, but it actually isn't awesome. It's kind of sickening. I went to the grocery store last night and bought all the fattening, carb-y foods that I haven't been having, and honestly, as God is my witness, I was having a hard time thinking of things to eat. When I was on the VLCD (very low-calorie diet) portion of the diet the first time (during which I lost 31 pounds), I used to fantasize about what I would eventually eat. I've been instructed to try and eat lots of healthy fats and as many calories as I can possibly consume over the next two days. I did get my favorite ice cream, Cheetos, and oh, yeah right, the healthy fats like guacamole, salmon, chicken salad, egg salad. I'm going to have pizza one night with this really yummy spicy chocolate pudding that I have been offered (and have refused, faithfully) three times in the last three months. Do you notice I am not exactly craving filet mignon and truffle-saffron infused new potatoes in a port wine reduction? I mean, Cheetos and Ben & Jerry's? It is all so pedestrian and American. Sigh.This tells me that, at heart, I am not a foodie.
But honestly? And I know you don't believe me. But I could do without it. I don't know if it's having permission that takes the fun out of binge eating or if something has really changed in me over the last 12 weeks, but I am just "meh" about everything. I'm finding that the cravings I have for unhealthy fats and carbs have more to do with my emotional state than with hunger or taste. When I started this diet and heard about someone who cut out sugar and flour forever as a result of this diet, I couldn't imagine it. 3 months later, it still sounds less than ideal, but I could imagine it. I hope I don't have to do it, but it doesn't seem like a fate worse than death.
I know, it's crazy. I'm totally full of shit. I have eaten stuff I wasn't supposed to eat over the last three months for sure, despite all this talk about how I can totally live without it. I guess what I'm saying is that when I am calm and in my right mind and eating solely because of hunger and taste, I can resist just about anything. It's those flash cravings, the I MUST HAVE SOMETHING SWEET RIGHT NOW that are hard to resist, and those are not based on real hunger or real taste--I would eat anything sweet in that state, including Twinkies or
Anyway. I'm eating like it's going out of style for two days, then Friday I go back on 500 calories a day. I have been dreading and anticipating the hunger and boredom for weeks, and many times have considered just blowing off the second round. But now that it's here, I'm excited and ready to go. This schedule should have me finishing up my forty days in mid-March.
Meanwhile, I'm training for a 10k in early April (it's a progressive walk/run program). I'm not sure I'll be able to do the full training while eating so few calories, but all I can do is try and see. The worst that can happen is that I'll pass out and fly off the back of the treadmill like one of those sad sacks on the Biggest Loser.
Not sure if I'll post every day in my second round of shrinking, or if I'll need to. We'll see how it goes. Meanwhile, I think I need to revisit my book and protocol. I have forgotten lots of stuff.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
First Maintenance Summary
Six weeks of ridonculous low-calorie diet, done. Six weeks of maintenance, done.
I definitely edged up over 200.2 a few times, but every time, I knew why. I edged way over 200 twice, the first time on accident, the second time (last weekend) because I was loading up for a second round, and then got really sick and decided to put it off for a few days. Each and every time, it has been really easy to get back down with minimal effort and "dieting." I just cut all carbs and sugar and eat pretty strictly for 2-3 days (lean proteins, veggies, fruits, nuts, cheese) and my weight just slips back. I do think my stable weight adjusted up about a pound (from 198.2 to 199.4, which is what I kept coming back to in the second half of maintenance), but that's really no biggie.
Here's my final weight chart for maintenance, with "over" days highlighted. You can see that in every case, once I made an attempt to get it back under control, it happened pretty easily.
Next post will be on my plans for round two of shrinking.
I definitely edged up over 200.2 a few times, but every time, I knew why. I edged way over 200 twice, the first time on accident, the second time (last weekend) because I was loading up for a second round, and then got really sick and decided to put it off for a few days. Each and every time, it has been really easy to get back down with minimal effort and "dieting." I just cut all carbs and sugar and eat pretty strictly for 2-3 days (lean proteins, veggies, fruits, nuts, cheese) and my weight just slips back. I do think my stable weight adjusted up about a pound (from 198.2 to 199.4, which is what I kept coming back to in the second half of maintenance), but that's really no biggie.
Here's my final weight chart for maintenance, with "over" days highlighted. You can see that in every case, once I made an attempt to get it back under control, it happened pretty easily.
| Day | Date | Weight |
| Day 1 | 12/14/2010 | 198.2 |
| Day 2 | 12/15/2010 | 198.6 |
| Day 3 | 12/16/2010 | 198.4 |
| Day 4 | 12/17/2010 | 197.0 |
| Day 5 | 12/18/2010 | 198.4 |
| Day 6 | 12/19/2010 | 199.2 |
| Day 7 | 12/20/2010 | 198.8 |
| Day 8 | 12/21/2010 | - |
| Day 9 | 12/22/2010 | 199.0 |
| Day 10 | 12/23/2010 | 199.6 |
| Day 11 | 12/24/2010 | 200.6 |
| Day 12 | 12/25/2010 | 202.8 |
| Day 13 | 12/26/2010 | 203.2 |
| Day 14 | 12/27/2010 | 201.0 |
| Day 15 | 12/28/2010 | 199.8 |
| Day 16 | 12/29/2010 | 197.6 |
| Day 17 | 12/30/2010 | 198.6 |
| Day 18 | 12/31/2010 | 198.2 |
| Day 19 | 1/1/2011 | 198.6 |
| Day 20 | 1/2/2011 | 198.6 |
| Day 21 | 1/3/2011 | 200.2 |
| Day 22 | 1/4/2011 | 199.8 |
| Day 23 | 1/5/2011 | 199.2 |
| Day 24 | 1/6/2011 | 200.2 |
| Day 25 | 1/7/2011 | - |
| Day 26 | 1/8/2011 | 199.0 |
| Day 27 | 1/9/2011 | 202.0 |
| Day 28 | 1/10/2011 | 205.4 |
| Day 29 | 1/11/2011 | 201.6 |
| Day 30 | 1/12/2011 | 199.8 |
| Day 31 | 1/13/2011 | 199.6 |
| Day 32 | 1/14/2011 | 199.4 |
| Day 33 | 1/15/2011 | 199.6 |
| Day 34 | 1/16/2011 | 200.0 |
| Day 35 | 1/17/2011 | 199.4 |
| Day 36 | 1/18/2011 | 199.0 |
| Day 37 | 1/19/2011 | 200.0 |
| Day 38 | 1/20/2011 | 200.0 |
| Day 39 | 1/22/2011 | - |
| Day 40 | 1/23/2011 | - |
| Day 41 | 1/24/2011 | 206.0 |
| Day 42 | 1/25/2011 | 203.0 |
| Day 43 | 1/26/2011 | 199.4 |
Next post will be on my plans for round two of shrinking.
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Goal Weight Mind Fuck
I'm ending my first round of maintenance and looking towards my second round of shrinking, and this is maybe as good a time as any for a discussion on goal weight.
My WW goal weight was always 169, but only because it was the highest possible weight range for my height that I could get away with striving for and still have it recognized by WW. That was the sole reason for the goal; it wasn't based on any sense of what weight I should be or past history or anything; it was based purely on WW weight tables.
I was 170 when I got married, a size 10/12, and felt like I'd like to lose 10 or 20 more. I definitely did not feel happy or "done" at 170. However, 170 was impossible for me to maintain without starving myself AND when I look back at pictures, I think I looked okay. Certainly not thin, but normal and fine.
I'm currently 5'9", age 34 (I'll be 35 in one month!), 198 pounds. According to this website, I have a medium frame (done by measuring your elbow bones; sounds vaguely crackpot and probably inaccurate) so I should be 139-153. That sounds really low to me. If I'm large frame, I should be 149-170. But I'm really not measuring even close to large frame by their definition.
According to this website, I have a small frame (WHAT? if you know me and the way I have looked my whole fucking life, it seems impossible that I could have a small frame, and yet that's what the measurement indicates, and it isn't even close or borderline), which means I should be 117-144. I think that's CRAZY. That would mean losing 55 pounds from where I am now, and I just don't think I have that much to lose. I think I would be very, very thin at 144 pounds and 5'9". I feel like I know people who are 5'4" or 5'5" who look normal and healthy at that weight.
Jillian Michaels says based just on my height, my healthy weight would be 150-165, but she doesn't take into account frame size, whatever that means anyway.
I'm feeling like I just want to shoot for 165-170 and be done with it, stay there for awhile and see how it feels. I think I can easily get from 198 (where I am now) to 165-170 ish in one more round of HCG drops (in 40 days, I should be able to lose 30-35 lbs; I lost 31 last time). But part of me thinks I am totally wussing out on setting an aggressive goal, because deep down, I don't think I can really do it or maintain it. So why shoot for that? Better to have an attainable goal and attain it than a crazy goal and miss it. Also, I look back at how I looked at 170, and I looked FINE! These women, all 5'9" and 170, look FINE. I found 170 very difficult to maintain before, but have hopes that it will be different this time because of the whole weight loss/weight stabilization approach.
But then what if I really could achieve and maintain 140-150 pounds and look fucking AWESOME and run like a fucking gazelle and just be long and lean and skinny and fit? I mean, what if I could actually DO that? Dudes, if I was 5'9" and 150 pounds, I would look sorta like these women who are 5'9, 150 or these women who are 5'9" 140. Skinny! Why wouldn't I at least TRY to do that? And one of those websites, the one that claimed I had a small frame, suggested 117! Now you're getting into Cameron Diaz. Gwyneth Paltrow, Heidi Klum range (Heidi Klum is 5'9" & 120 pounds). That's just crazy talk. Those women are not merely small-boned, they are THIN and in Paltrow's case, actually look UNDERweight.
See why weight is such a mindfuck? I bet if it was anything else, it would be a grand idea to go for a super aggressive goal as a motivator. But for weight, it just starts to feel all fucked up and eating-disordery to be so focused on a number and to try and keep achieving a lower and lower and lower number just because you CAN.
So.
Thank you for taking this little neurotic journey with me. I hope I have not strengthened your own eating disorder propensities by linking to all those websites.
After all of this information, I think what I'm going to do is do one more round and see where I end up. A big part of it will be seeing if that weight is as easy to maintain as this is. Rather than have a goal weight in mind (which I think everyone else on the program has), I'm just going to see where I end up. Based on average weight loss and all that, I think I'm likely to end up in the range of 160-175, sort of depending on how it goes, whether it gets harder to lose once my weight gets lower, and how much I gain on my load days.
From there, my plan is healthy, honest living with lots of exercise and careful but not obsessive eating, and I have a feeling my body will continue to lose if I am truly meant to be smaller and will maintain if I'm at a healthy weight.
In short, although I am tempted to try for 140 pounds, I don't think it's likely to be realistic for me.
This concludes your goal weight mind fuck for the day. Please return to your regularly scheduled mind fucks (are you doing what you should be with your life? are you a good enough parent? did you marry the right person? do you make enough money? do your friends really like you?)
My WW goal weight was always 169, but only because it was the highest possible weight range for my height that I could get away with striving for and still have it recognized by WW. That was the sole reason for the goal; it wasn't based on any sense of what weight I should be or past history or anything; it was based purely on WW weight tables.
I was 170 when I got married, a size 10/12, and felt like I'd like to lose 10 or 20 more. I definitely did not feel happy or "done" at 170. However, 170 was impossible for me to maintain without starving myself AND when I look back at pictures, I think I looked okay. Certainly not thin, but normal and fine.
I'm currently 5'9", age 34 (I'll be 35 in one month!), 198 pounds. According to this website, I have a medium frame (done by measuring your elbow bones; sounds vaguely crackpot and probably inaccurate) so I should be 139-153. That sounds really low to me. If I'm large frame, I should be 149-170. But I'm really not measuring even close to large frame by their definition.
According to this website, I have a small frame (WHAT? if you know me and the way I have looked my whole fucking life, it seems impossible that I could have a small frame, and yet that's what the measurement indicates, and it isn't even close or borderline), which means I should be 117-144. I think that's CRAZY. That would mean losing 55 pounds from where I am now, and I just don't think I have that much to lose. I think I would be very, very thin at 144 pounds and 5'9". I feel like I know people who are 5'4" or 5'5" who look normal and healthy at that weight.
Jillian Michaels says based just on my height, my healthy weight would be 150-165, but she doesn't take into account frame size, whatever that means anyway.
I'm feeling like I just want to shoot for 165-170 and be done with it, stay there for awhile and see how it feels. I think I can easily get from 198 (where I am now) to 165-170 ish in one more round of HCG drops (in 40 days, I should be able to lose 30-35 lbs; I lost 31 last time). But part of me thinks I am totally wussing out on setting an aggressive goal, because deep down, I don't think I can really do it or maintain it. So why shoot for that? Better to have an attainable goal and attain it than a crazy goal and miss it. Also, I look back at how I looked at 170, and I looked FINE! These women, all 5'9" and 170, look FINE. I found 170 very difficult to maintain before, but have hopes that it will be different this time because of the whole weight loss/weight stabilization approach.
But then what if I really could achieve and maintain 140-150 pounds and look fucking AWESOME and run like a fucking gazelle and just be long and lean and skinny and fit? I mean, what if I could actually DO that? Dudes, if I was 5'9" and 150 pounds, I would look sorta like these women who are 5'9, 150 or these women who are 5'9" 140. Skinny! Why wouldn't I at least TRY to do that? And one of those websites, the one that claimed I had a small frame, suggested 117! Now you're getting into Cameron Diaz. Gwyneth Paltrow, Heidi Klum range (Heidi Klum is 5'9" & 120 pounds). That's just crazy talk. Those women are not merely small-boned, they are THIN and in Paltrow's case, actually look UNDERweight.
See why weight is such a mindfuck? I bet if it was anything else, it would be a grand idea to go for a super aggressive goal as a motivator. But for weight, it just starts to feel all fucked up and eating-disordery to be so focused on a number and to try and keep achieving a lower and lower and lower number just because you CAN.
So.
Thank you for taking this little neurotic journey with me. I hope I have not strengthened your own eating disorder propensities by linking to all those websites.
After all of this information, I think what I'm going to do is do one more round and see where I end up. A big part of it will be seeing if that weight is as easy to maintain as this is. Rather than have a goal weight in mind (which I think everyone else on the program has), I'm just going to see where I end up. Based on average weight loss and all that, I think I'm likely to end up in the range of 160-175, sort of depending on how it goes, whether it gets harder to lose once my weight gets lower, and how much I gain on my load days.
From there, my plan is healthy, honest living with lots of exercise and careful but not obsessive eating, and I have a feeling my body will continue to lose if I am truly meant to be smaller and will maintain if I'm at a healthy weight.
In short, although I am tempted to try for 140 pounds, I don't think it's likely to be realistic for me.
This concludes your goal weight mind fuck for the day. Please return to your regularly scheduled mind fucks (are you doing what you should be with your life? are you a good enough parent? did you marry the right person? do you make enough money? do your friends really like you?)
Maintenace: P3, D32
I'm coming off another spurt of over-weight days, but honestly, I feel okay about it. I feel like it's all part of the learning process and that I'm getting back down to within two pounds of my maintenance weight with relative ease. Does that sound like justification or self-deception? Because it doesn't feel like it. It feels like sanity.
I have been far from perfect in maintenance, and I have been over 200 three times. Last week at one point, I was up seven pounds from my maintenance weight (not including the +/- accuracy range that Kristoise always reminds me about). But I reined it in, had a couple of days where I ate fewer calories and only veggies and protein, and I get back to my maintenance weight with relative ease. Back in my Weight Watchers days, I would gain a couple of pounds for no apparent reason, and it would take me two weeks to get them back off. On this diet, I only gain when I've eaten too much or had a sugar binge, and it comes right back off. For that reason, I do think my metabolism is working correctly in a way it hasn't for a long, long time.
I definitely have lost some attention and focus, which I think is natural but also a little dangerous. On her password-protected blog, Olivia (who is also in maintenance), wrote:
I can relate. Although my weight seems fairly stable, I am getting back into some habits that will probably not be good for me long term. When I was on the HCG portion of the diet, I was very conscious of caring for myself during what felt like a challenging period--long baths, early bedtimes, naps whenever possible, striking lipstick at least once or twice a week, not wearing yoga pants all day (I work from home, so can easily get away with looking very schlumpy on a regular basis). I never ate a single bite of anything after 7 p.m. I was eating all organic foods. Not a molecule of sugar, wheat, or artificial sweeteners. I've slipped on all these areas.
People talk about this diet as "miraculous." You know what? It's not really that miraculous. Honestly, to maintain this weight, I have to be committed to life changes long term, which I always knew intellectually but am now really understanding. Yes, I lost weight fairly easily and fairly quickly, and that felt miraculous at times, for sure. But there is nothing miraculous about keeping the weight off--it's about paying attention and not getting too far off course. A miraculous diet would be one where I could eat ice cream all day and still be thin. This ain't that!
I have always thought that my goal was to get to the place where I never think about or worry about weight and food. But I am trying to adjust my image of what it will be like to be a normal weight person. I am already getting to the place where a daily weigh-in feels like information more than it feels like a judgment, and as long as that's the case, I think a daily weigh-in most days for the rest of my life will probably be really useful.
A friend I went running this morning on the treadmills and we were next to a man who told us he was 75 years old, and that he weighs himself every morning, and if he's ever over 175, he makes an adjustment in what he eats for a few days until he gets back under. That doesn't seem crazy and obsessive, that seems like a really good fucking idea.
I start my second and final round in about nine days (I'll do load days not this coming weekend but next, and then start the drops and the 500 calories either Sunday or Monday). I'm actually not looking forward to it. It wasn't that hard the first time once I got over the initial hunger, but it was so damn inconvenient and ostentatious. So I'm kind of dreading it. And I don't hate my body quite so much any more, so the motivation to do something extreme isn't as strong. Still, it was so fast and effective that there really isn't a good reason not to do it, especially since I'd really like to do a sprint triathlon this year, and doing it without an extra 25-30 pounds will make a big difference in my training and likelihood of injury.
I'm going to do another post about goal weight, which is my latest mind fuck.
I have been far from perfect in maintenance, and I have been over 200 three times. Last week at one point, I was up seven pounds from my maintenance weight (not including the +/- accuracy range that Kristoise always reminds me about). But I reined it in, had a couple of days where I ate fewer calories and only veggies and protein, and I get back to my maintenance weight with relative ease. Back in my Weight Watchers days, I would gain a couple of pounds for no apparent reason, and it would take me two weeks to get them back off. On this diet, I only gain when I've eaten too much or had a sugar binge, and it comes right back off. For that reason, I do think my metabolism is working correctly in a way it hasn't for a long, long time.
| Day 1 | 12/14/2010 | 198.2 |
| Day 2 | 12/15/2010 | 198.6 |
| Day 3 | 12/16/2010 | 198.4 |
| Day 4 | 12/17/2010 | 197.0 |
| Day 5 | 12/18/2010 | 198.4 |
| Day 6 | 12/19/2010 | 199.2 |
| Day 7 | 12/20/2010 | 198.8 |
| Day 8 | 12/21/2010 | - |
| Day 9 | 12/22/2010 | 199.0 |
| Day 10 | 12/23/2010 | 199.6 |
| Day 11 | 12/24/2010 | 200.6 |
| Day 12 | 12/25/2010 | 202.8 |
| Day 13 | 12/26/2010 | 203.2 |
| Day 14 | 12/27/2010 | 201.0 |
| Day 15 | 12/28/2010 | 199.8 |
| Day 16 | 12/29/2010 | 197.6 |
| Day 17 | 12/30/2010 | 198.6 |
| Day 18 | 12/31/2010 | 198.2 |
| Day 19 | 1/1/2011 | 198.6 |
| Day 20 | 1/2/2011 | 198.6 |
| Day 21 | 1/3/2011 | 200.2 |
| Day 22 | 1/4/2011 | 199.8 |
| Day 23 | 1/5/2011 | 199.2 |
| Day 24 | 1/6/2011 | 201.2 |
| Day 25 | 1/7/2011 | 200.0 |
| Day 26 | 1/8/2011 | 199.0 |
| Day 27 | 1/9/2011 | 202.0 |
| Day 28 | 1/10/2011 | 205.4 |
| Day 29 | 1/11/2011 | 201.6 |
| Day 30 | 1/12/2011 | 199.8 |
| Day 31 | 1/13/2011 | 199.6 |
| Day 32 | 1/14/2011 | 199.4 |
I definitely have lost some attention and focus, which I think is natural but also a little dangerous. On her password-protected blog, Olivia (who is also in maintenance), wrote:
"I never want to return to the way I lived before, and I find myself doing so, not as much on a weight level as on an emotional level. I would say that although I've gained only 2.3 pounds back, I'm about 80% back to the way I lived before."Olivia, I'm wondering if this is still true for you two weeks later or if you have made adjustments?
I can relate. Although my weight seems fairly stable, I am getting back into some habits that will probably not be good for me long term. When I was on the HCG portion of the diet, I was very conscious of caring for myself during what felt like a challenging period--long baths, early bedtimes, naps whenever possible, striking lipstick at least once or twice a week, not wearing yoga pants all day (I work from home, so can easily get away with looking very schlumpy on a regular basis). I never ate a single bite of anything after 7 p.m. I was eating all organic foods. Not a molecule of sugar, wheat, or artificial sweeteners. I've slipped on all these areas.
People talk about this diet as "miraculous." You know what? It's not really that miraculous. Honestly, to maintain this weight, I have to be committed to life changes long term, which I always knew intellectually but am now really understanding. Yes, I lost weight fairly easily and fairly quickly, and that felt miraculous at times, for sure. But there is nothing miraculous about keeping the weight off--it's about paying attention and not getting too far off course. A miraculous diet would be one where I could eat ice cream all day and still be thin. This ain't that!
I have always thought that my goal was to get to the place where I never think about or worry about weight and food. But I am trying to adjust my image of what it will be like to be a normal weight person. I am already getting to the place where a daily weigh-in feels like information more than it feels like a judgment, and as long as that's the case, I think a daily weigh-in most days for the rest of my life will probably be really useful.
A friend I went running this morning on the treadmills and we were next to a man who told us he was 75 years old, and that he weighs himself every morning, and if he's ever over 175, he makes an adjustment in what he eats for a few days until he gets back under. That doesn't seem crazy and obsessive, that seems like a really good fucking idea.
I start my second and final round in about nine days (I'll do load days not this coming weekend but next, and then start the drops and the 500 calories either Sunday or Monday). I'm actually not looking forward to it. It wasn't that hard the first time once I got over the initial hunger, but it was so damn inconvenient and ostentatious. So I'm kind of dreading it. And I don't hate my body quite so much any more, so the motivation to do something extreme isn't as strong. Still, it was so fast and effective that there really isn't a good reason not to do it, especially since I'd really like to do a sprint triathlon this year, and doing it without an extra 25-30 pounds will make a big difference in my training and likelihood of injury.
I'm going to do another post about goal weight, which is my latest mind fuck.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Maintenance: P3, D19
Just wanted to check in and say thanks to those who left comments and support. It actually turned out to be really easy to get back on the wagon, even though I didn't do a "steak day". I don't know if it was water weight and/or I had already stuck my new weight well enough that it was easy to get back to. I was basically within two pounds if 198 for the last eight days of the Phase 2, so it's almost like I've been in maintenance for 27 days even though I've only been in Phase 3 for 19 days.
Something weird is happening to me. I kind of like the way I look. I don't disgust myself when I look in the mirror. I feel almost pretty. I could almost imagine losing no more weight and living life not feeling repulsed by myself. I am still about 30 pounds over the very highest weight in my range, so it would be nice to lose 30 more. However, I've been at that weight before (170) and it was not maintainable for me. It was way too hard and I had to seriously deprive myself to get there and stay there. It will be interesting to see how it is this time.
I have basically three weeks of maintenance left, and then I go back on the plan at the end of January. I am considering signing up to run a 10k in late March, but that will mean doing some training while I'm on the 500 calorie part, which seems harder than the yoga and walking I did last time. The 10k would be a nice distance and would feel like a HUGE accomplishment to me (I've completed two 5k races and didn't even run the whole first one) but I really don't want to risk reinjuring my ankle. If I decide to do the 10k, I will need to start training next week, as in January 4th (the training program lasts 13 weeks and the race is April 2). I start by walking four minutes and running one and doing that seven times. So it starts out very easy. I think I'll just start the training and see how it goes. I need to add exercise back in to my day.
It's New Year's Day. I feel like I've been so fucking introspective and self-actualized the last 8-10 weeks that I don't have any energy left for New Year's resolutions, you know? Just keep on keeping on with my navel-gazing voodoo, I guess.
| Day | Date | Weight | Calories Range = 1870-2200) |
| Day 1 | 12/14/2010 | 198.2 | 967.0 |
| Day 2 | 12/15/2010 | 198.6 | 1437.0 |
| Day 3 | 12/16/2010 | 198.4 | 1460.0 |
| Day 4 | 12/17/2010 | 197.0 | 2207.0 |
| Day 5 | 12/18/2010 | 198.4 | 1708.0 |
| Day 6 | 12/19/2010 | 199.2 | 1697.0 |
| Day 7 | 12/20/2010 | 198.8 | 2144.0 |
| Day 8 | 12/21/2010 | - | 1914.0 |
| Day 9 | 12/22/2010 | 199.0 | 2288.0 |
| Day 10 | 12/23/2010 | 199.6 | 2115.0 |
| Day 11 | 12/24/2010 | 200.6 | - |
| Day 12 | 12/25/2010 | 202.8 | - |
| Day 13 | 12/26/2010 | 203.2 | 798.0 |
| Day 14 | 12/27/2010 | 201.0 | 1133.0 |
| Day 15 | 12/28/2010 | 199.8 | 1933.0 |
| Day 16 | 12/29/2010 | 197.6 | 1511.0 |
| Day 17 | 12/30/2010 | 198.6 | 1759.0 |
| Day 18 | 12/31/2010 | 198.2 | - |
| Day 19 | 1/1/2011 | 198.6 | - |
Something weird is happening to me. I kind of like the way I look. I don't disgust myself when I look in the mirror. I feel almost pretty. I could almost imagine losing no more weight and living life not feeling repulsed by myself. I am still about 30 pounds over the very highest weight in my range, so it would be nice to lose 30 more. However, I've been at that weight before (170) and it was not maintainable for me. It was way too hard and I had to seriously deprive myself to get there and stay there. It will be interesting to see how it is this time.
I have basically three weeks of maintenance left, and then I go back on the plan at the end of January. I am considering signing up to run a 10k in late March, but that will mean doing some training while I'm on the 500 calorie part, which seems harder than the yoga and walking I did last time. The 10k would be a nice distance and would feel like a HUGE accomplishment to me (I've completed two 5k races and didn't even run the whole first one) but I really don't want to risk reinjuring my ankle. If I decide to do the 10k, I will need to start training next week, as in January 4th (the training program lasts 13 weeks and the race is April 2). I start by walking four minutes and running one and doing that seven times. So it starts out very easy. I think I'll just start the training and see how it goes. I need to add exercise back in to my day.
It's New Year's Day. I feel like I've been so fucking introspective and self-actualized the last 8-10 weeks that I don't have any energy left for New Year's resolutions, you know? Just keep on keeping on with my navel-gazing voodoo, I guess.
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