Going Off the Reservation (Round 2, Phase 2, Day 11)

I think I've really gone off the reservation now.

Sunday was another day of cheating in the lamest, most unsatisfying and unfulfilling way you can imagine. Cheats from Sunday:

• a cup of store-bought chicken broth sipped from a mug, because I was so hungry and so cold (ran out of heating oil, no heat for three days til delivery on Monday, the bastards). I looked at the ingredients, which were all P2-approved foods (chicken, celery, water, spices) except for the very last ingredient: honey. The broth was 25 calories a cup, so any sugar was minimal, but it was there, and I ate it knowing it was there.
• at a Super Bowl party Sunday night, I had about 10 steamed shrimp with salsa in addition to all my regular food for the day. I thought maybe it would be okay because it's a protein, which helps prevent water retention. The salsa was sugar-free, but included off-protocol veggies in the ingredient list (like green peppers), and of course it was mixed vegetables, which is not allowed. But MAN was it good. It was so flavorful and delicious.

Today my weight was up a bit, I guess because of the "cheating," but it just seems so insignificant compared to eating a pan of brownies. And before Kristi chimes in to talk about scale margins of error, even if you look at a longer period of time, I'm down about a half a pound in four days this week. Almost every day, I've had an extra half portion of fruit or protein or an extra tablespoon of milk. I don't think this is self-sabotage; I really don't. I'm worried that I just don't care enough this time.

As I've mentioned, I've been training for this 10k. The last two times that I've had long runs while on the VLCD, I have been miserable the rest of the day--low energy, starving, and grumpy, and no accelerated weight loss to show for it. This morning, I knew I had a long run, so I ate scrambled eggs before I went running: one whole egg + 3 eggwhites, which should be less than 100 calories. According to the treadmill, I burned over 500 calories today, so I figured the extra 100 calories would be harmless. But I guess I'll see tomorrow. The good news is, I felt wonderful the rest of the day. Very proud and accomplished.

According to this website, you can't train intensely while on the VLCD. It says:

Please remember that the combination of the low calorie diet and the exercise could cause the body to go into starvation mode; holding onto the weight you’re trying to lose. It has a negative impact by lowering your stamina and many then lose their commitment to the diet plan.

So is it a combination of the minor cheats and the exercise that is stalling me on this round?

If I have to choose between exercise and finishing this round, I will choose exercise for now and give this thing another shot in a few months. I am six weeks into a training program that has already been really hard. I'm not going to just stop, especially since physical fitness and health is more the ultimate goal than a certain number on the scale. So I figured this week, I'll try eating the egg whites on running days and see if that helps with energy and weight loss. At the end of week 2, we'll see where things stand.

Math time.

I currently have a BMR of 1650 and based on that, my daily calorie needs should be about 2200 calories a day (I think that's conservative, it's probably more based on activity). If I'm eating, let's say 600 calories a day (which I'm not, I'm still under 500 most days, but have been up to 600 on a few days). That's a daily deficit of 1600 calories and a weekly deficit of 11,200 calories. A pound is 3500 calories, so  that mean I should lose 3.2 lbs a week easily, no matter whether I eat vegetables in combination or turkey or salsa or any of the other things you're not supposed to do on this diet. If I lose 3.2 lbs a week for the whole 6 weeks, that will be 19 pounds. This feels hard to do for 19 pounds, even though that's a lot and would bring me within striking distance of my fairly arbitrary goal weight of 169!

Gosh, I don't know. I keep saying I won't decide now what I'm doing more than a day in the future, and then I keep trying to decide now anyway. That's kind of what I do, have you met me?

Day	Date	Weight	Daily Change	Total Loss: Round 2	Total Loss: Cumulative
LD 1	1/26/2011	199.6	-
LD 2	1/27/2011	203	3.4
1	1/28/2011	204.6	1.6
2	1/29/2011	200.2	-4.4
3	1/30/2011	198.8	-1.4	-1.4	30.8
4	1/31/2011	198.2	-0.6	-1.6	31.4
5	2/1/2011	197	-1.2	-2.4	32.6
6	2/2/2011	195.6	-1.4	-4.0	34
7	2/3/2011	194.2	-1.4	-5.4	35.4
Week 1: down 5.4 for the week (not counting load weight), 35.4 total
8	2/4/2011	193.6	-0.6	-6.0	-36
9	2/5/2011	193.2	-0.4	-6.4	-36.4
10	2/6/2011	192.6	-0.6	-7.0	-37
11	2/7/2011	193	0.4	-6.6	-36.6
12	2/8/2011
13	2/9/2011
14	2/10/2011

Inch By Inch (P2, D33)

Down only 0.2 today, which I guess makes sense after a big loss, but I was looking at the big loss as making up for the previous small losses, not as something that might cause continued small losses.

I'm starting to get hungry again, and have upped my drops to 20 three times a day. The hunger isn't agonizing (not as bad as the first week, or maybe I'm just used to it), but my hunger was nonexistent for the middle three weeks or so--I had to remind myself to eat. 

If you buy into the whole idea of the drops, you can technically become immune to them anywhere between 20-40 days. So I feel hungry, a little draggy (though still able to walk 3 miles and do yoga), weight loss has slowed, and I've noticed low blood pressure the last week or so (extreme dizziness when I stand up quickly). But I'm also coming off a really long period AND I think I'm getting a sinus infection. There are so many factors that contribute to the way you feel, it's hard to tease them out.

So how do I know if I am becoming immune, and if I am becoming immune, is there any harm to just powering through the last 10 days anyway? I'm so close, and would love to do the whole 40 days just for the accomplishment of it. But then if I am becoming immune and I stop now, then I get to start maintenance a week earlier and I get to start another round (if I decide to do one) a week earlier. [You're supposed to do 6 weeks of maintenance after a full round].

I think it got stuck in my head somewhere that I am *supposed* to be losing 5 pounds a week after the first week, and I'm not even that close. I had so much luck at first, that I was secretly thinking I could lose 40 pounds in 40 days, even though women tend to lose 30-35, It looks like I will be solidly in that group, after all, which is awesome! Not terrible! But that's why there is this current constantly running through the blog of "not enough weight loss, not enough weight loss."

In truth, I have averaged a loss of 0.6 pounds per day over the last two weeks (when I have been convinced my weight loss has slowed almost to a halt) and 0.9 pounds a day over the course of the whole 33 days so far.

It's funny, Shannon (my friend who has lost a shit ton on the HCG plan) has been cautioning me strongly against self-sabotage. She thinks that my negativity is going to/has already impacted my eating or my ability to follow the plan. But that's not really my MO for self-sabotage. My MO is more to set the bar so high that no matter what I do, it will be impossible to achieve it (c.f. secretly thinking I would lose 40 pounds in 40 days even though almost no one does, thereby virtually guaranteeing disappointment in myself when I don't do it).

So there are two issues at hand in today's navel-gazing blog post:

1) Am I becoming immune to the fancy voodoo drops, and should I stop round 1 early? Should I power through anyway?

2) As of today, I am just deciding that I am doing awesome, because 28.8 pounds is a lot of weight to lose in a short amount of time, and I am finally starting to see the difference in my body, am finally able to fit in some old clothes, and am feeling different. I know my loyal blog readers (all three of you!) have been telling me for ages that I'm doing awesome, but really I need to decide I'm doing awesome. You know? Also, something I need to work on outside the bounds of this diet is the need to constantly assess my awesomeness. It's a terrible habit.

In other news, I am going DANCING tonight!! A local club is hosting a dance party featuring only the music of Madonna, Lady Gaga, and M.I.A. A friend of mine invited a few of us to descend on the place and try to raise the average age of the joint. I will be wearing new size 16 jeans and a sparkly tank top. I have a raging sinus headache, but I want to do this so bad, I might just have to power through. I am actually 50% totally fucking excited and 50% nervous, because I have not gone to a CLUB in at least 6 or 7 years, maybe more, though I used to go to clubs in D.C. all the time in college. And I know we will be the oldest ones there by a lot, but I am trying to be brave. What if someone creepy hits on me? What if no one hits on me? Back in the day, I had a lot of techniques for turning away unwanted attention. They are a bit rusty, to say the least.

Also, the boy I was madly in love with in high school is a local DJ, and I really don't want to see him (just because I am not skinny or hot enough yet to see him as a mom of two kids with a corporate job while he is DJing), though honestly, it would be easy to avoid him if he were.

Yes, I am neurotic. But then you all knew that anyway. Tonight I will be a neurotic, shorty fire burning on the dance floor. :)

Oy. Math.

Check my math here.

I'm 5'9", 34 years old, and I weigh 228 pounds. So according to this website, my basal metabolic rate (the number of calories I'd burn if I stayed in bed all week) is 1811.

Once I know my BMR, I can calculate my Daily Calorie Needs based on my activity level using the Harris Benedict Equation.

If I assume that on this diet I'll be only barely active, maybe doing yoga and a few walks a week, I'm supposed to multiply my BMR by 1.375.

So that means the number of calories I "need" in a day to maintain my weight is 2490. Let's round up to 2500 to make this math problem a little easier for my already-overtaxed brain.

The other fact I need for this calculation is this: to lose one pound, you need to have a deficit of 3500 calories.

Starting Monday, I'll be eating 500 calories.

So if I need 2500 calories a day to maintain my weight and I'm eating 500 calories a day, that's a deficit of 2000 calories a day, or 14,000 calories a week.

14,000 calories a week divided by 3500 calories (since that's how many calories it takes to lose one pound) = 4 pounds a week.

Not bad for an English major, right?

Honestly, I am hoping to lose more than an average of 4 pounds a week if I am doing a diet this extreme. I would really, really love to get under 200 pounds in this first round, which would require a 28 pound weight loss. If I average 4 pounds a week, I'll lose 24 pounds in the first 6-week course.

This is hurting my brain. Off to bed.