Phase 1, Day 2 (P1D1)

This was my second "load" day, and it's Halloween. I should be golden, right?

I just don't think I really did it right. For one thing, I missed my mid-day dosage of drops. For another thing, I just don't think I ate quite enough. Today I was only up 0.2 from yesterday.

At a Halloween party this afternoon, I ran into a guy who is leading a group of HCG-ers, and he said loading up was absolutely critical, and if I didn't do it right, the first week or so will be really hard because I'll be really hungry. He says if you load up well enough, you don't get hungry. But I really don't think I ate enough.

I don't know if I'm just feeling off because there's a stomach bug making its way through my family, or because once I'm "allowed" to eat anything, it loses its appeal. Also, since I'm a binge eater, I know what I'm capable of, and today I didn't eat even close to what I'm capable of.

Whatever the reason, I had a hard, hard time eating today. So am I totally screwed when I start the 500 calorie diet tomorrow? I guess I could do another load day, but I'm just ready to get going here.

How screwed up is this? Totally free license to eat whatever I want whenever I want it, and I could care less. What is this world coming to?

Oy. Math.

Check my math here.

I'm 5'9", 34 years old, and I weigh 228 pounds. So according to this website, my basal metabolic rate (the number of calories I'd burn if I stayed in bed all week) is 1811.

Once I know my BMR, I can calculate my Daily Calorie Needs based on my activity level using the Harris Benedict Equation.

If I assume that on this diet I'll be only barely active, maybe doing yoga and a few walks a week, I'm supposed to multiply my BMR by 1.375.

So that means the number of calories I "need" in a day to maintain my weight is 2490. Let's round up to 2500 to make this math problem a little easier for my already-overtaxed brain.

The other fact I need for this calculation is this: to lose one pound, you need to have a deficit of 3500 calories.

Starting Monday, I'll be eating 500 calories.

So if I need 2500 calories a day to maintain my weight and I'm eating 500 calories a day, that's a deficit of 2000 calories a day, or 14,000 calories a week.

14,000 calories a week divided by 3500 calories (since that's how many calories it takes to lose one pound) = 4 pounds a week.

Not bad for an English major, right?

Honestly, I am hoping to lose more than an average of 4 pounds a week if I am doing a diet this extreme. I would really, really love to get under 200 pounds in this first round, which would require a 28 pound weight loss. If I average 4 pounds a week, I'll lose 24 pounds in the first 6-week course.

This is hurting my brain. Off to bed.

Phase 1, Day 1 (P1D1)

Phase 1, Day 1 means I started the HCG drops today but I'm supposed to "gorge" today. I do that for two days before starting the 500 calorie diet on Monday.

My kids are both sick, which meant I was tied to the house a lot of the day and my plans for complicated, delicious, fattening meals were out the door. I did manage to get out to get my favorite sub for lunch (lots of meat, cheese, and mayo) and had real Fritos and a non-diet soda, which I never do. For dinner, I had McDonalds, not because I love it so much, but just because I can. Considering the range of high-fat and delicious foods out there and available for my consumption, I think this gorge day was a failure. Oddly enough, I don't care that much about what I'm missing. I'm just eager to get started.
I did eat a ton of cookies yesterday (you think I'm exaggerating, but I think over the course of the day, I had 15 cookies). And tomorrow is Halloween, so I'll get to raid my kids' candy one last time before going on the straight and narrow.
So I dunno . . . all this freedom to gorge on whatever I want, and I can't think of anything I'm absolutely dying to have. Maybe it's cleaning up after two sick kids who have issues going on at both ends . . . that is enough to take away anyone's appetite.

I don't think I ate as much today as I should have, but I think I have PLENTY of fat to tide me over when I start the 500 calories on Monday.

Let's get this started already!

This is Why I'm Doing This

Okay. Deep breath. Here goes. The information I have never told anyone.

I am 5’9” and I weighed in at 228.2 pounds this morning (before my two gorge days). My BMI is 34.

That wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Much easier when it's anonymous.

According to Weight Watchers, this means my ideal weight should be between 135 and 169. If I take even the upper limit of my weight range, that means I have 59 pounds to lose. The bottom range seems patently absurd for a woman in her mid-thirties who has had two children, but what do I know?

The Sob Story 

I was a normal-weight kid who always felt fat. I was an early bloomer, meaning I was getting boobs in 4^th and 5^th grade, and by 8^th grade, I was a 36C with an hourglass figure. This did not make me feel sexy and powerful, it made me feet fat and ugly and weird. I bought my first pair of control top pantyhose in the 6^th grade and thought it was the best invention ever.

I was a size 12/14 through most of high school—not skinny, but not really fat for a tall girl. But I felt fat. Any time the boy I liked didn’t like me back, I was sure it was because of my weight. It never once crossed my mind that it could be anything else.

I started binge eating in earnest in high school because I made my own money and could spend it on food. I stole food when I babysat and hid the candy wrappers in the trash. Our next-door neighbor used to buy the huge, Costco-sized boxes of mini Peppermint Patties, and I could eat 20 or 30 in a sitting. I would eat alone, feeling disgust and shame almost the whole time.

I started the Slim Fast plan, but it gave me the runs. I tried jogging, but I had asthma, a part-time job, and all honors/AP classes. It was easy to let myself off the hook.

I lost weight my freshman year of college because I was depressed and ate only strawberry popsicles in the dining hall. I got down to probably 150-155 at my lowest. I would go a day or more without eating until I felt so sick I could only stomach a few sips of juice. I was secretly proud of my resolve, and I loved it when people (my mother, my friends) would yell at me to eat more. I felt I was finally a success. But I didn't really feel any thinner or smaller.

My sophomore year, some Bad Shit happened that began a long and steady weight gain. I would skip meals in the dining hall all together and eat a whole bag of Rolos for lunch and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s for dinner. I ate sweets until I felt nauseous almost every day. I always hid the evidence by burying the wrappers deep in the trash can.

I got fatter and fatter and hardly noticed. I was young, and so the fat was nice and plump—no stretch marks, no striations, not too many unseemly rolls. My boyfriend seemed to like me the way I was. It’s not that I didn’t feel fat; I did. But then I always felt fat, ever since fourth grade. It was just that I didn’t feel any fatter than I ever had before, even though I was. I've always been so out of touch with my body that I could never tell weight gain or loss except by the scale--isn't that screwed up? So if I'm not weighing myself, I can easily be in uneasy denial.

After graduating from college, I went on a three-month road trip with some college friends. My boyfriend’s mother bought me Lane Bryant clothes for the vacation, and I was mortified that she thought I needed them. I thought it was some passive-aggressive dig at me.  I went on the vacation and wore the size 18 shirts and shorts she had bought me, truly believing it was some kind of fluke that they actually fit me.

When I got the pictures back, I was horrified. There was no denying that I was officially, undeniably Fat.

That Fall, just before Thanksgiving, I started Weight Watchers. I weighed in at 231 pounds and was an 18/20.

Over the next year, I lost 50 pounds, and stabilized at around 180-190 for 2-3 years. It didn’t feel terribly difficult to maintain in terms of self-denial or hunger, but I thought about food all the time and still couldn’t get to my officially sanctioned WW goal weight of 169.

I quick smoking and gained 15 pounds, then lost it again.

I finally got treated for anxiety and depression (therapy and Wellbutrin), and was able to beg, borrow, and steal my way down to 170 just in time to get married. At the time, I felt I still had a ways to go; I was not satisfied. But when I look at my wedding pictures, I see a healthy, attractive woman who is at a perfectly reasonable weight.

But 170 never felt like a maintainable weight for me, and I gained 10 pounds on my honeymoon. Again, I stayed at around 180-190 for half a year until I got pregnant the first time. Although the first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 9 weeks, I had already gained 15 pounds from eating every carbohydrate in sight to help relieve my nausea. I got pregnant again right away and gained 60 pounds. I was 260 pounds when I went in to deliver my daughter.

Thirty pounds came off right after delivery, but I was knocked over with postpartum depression, and the Zoloft I begrudgingly started taking caused me to put 20 back on. I hovered around 240-250 for the first two years of my daughter’s life. I switched meds, started working out, got down to 221 . . . and got pregnant again unexpectedly. The second baby was a wonderful surprise gift but set me way back on my path to healthy eating and weight loss.

I know no one really cares about these vicissitudes in weight but me. I guess I’m sharing them partially because I am drunk with power (I’ve never shared my weight with anyone before) and partially to show how much this has been a daily struggle and a daily effort since puberty. For all the people who say "why don't you just eat less and exercise more," I guess I want you to know I've tried that. I promise I've tried.

Just before my second child turned two, I trained for my first 5k and got stress fractures in my shins and a heel spur. I spent six months healing from that and then started Jillian Michael’s aggressive exercise plan. Over the last 15 months, I lost 18 pounds with intense, intense effort. After I hurt my ankle, I kept it off easily for three months and then put on 8 pounds in two weeks.

So here I am. I’m almost 35. I am 5’9” and weigh 228, as much as many professional football players. Last week in my office, someone was describing a huge, giant, bear of a man. “You don’t get it,” this colleague told me, stretching their arms out to indicate incredible girth. “This guy is, like, 6’2” and 240 pounds. He’s a beast.”

I guess that makes me 12 pounds shy of beastliness.

On a regular basis, my husband describes the amazing and unbelievable weight of this or that athlete. He spouts off these statistics with ease and awe, and I am always secretly comparing their weight to mine in my mind. I can’t even ask him to stop or tell him that it humiliates me, because I don't want him to know how much I weigh. What would I say? It is oddly comforting that people feel so comfortable marveling at 200lb+ weights in front of me; it means they don’t think it could possibly apply to me. Maybe I have people fooled that I am only a little fat, when in fact, I am a beast. Sorry, I mean 12 pounds shy of being a beast.

I’m so tired of it. I am just plain tired. I truly feel like I have tried the conventional ways. I have. I have given this the old college try. I feel completely desperate, almost desperate enough to try anything. I am well aware that I have brought this on myself.

I don’t think this diet is for someone who hasn’t struggled for awhile. I don’t think this diet is for someone who wants to lose 10 pounds. I don't think this diet is for people who haven't tried the other healthy, reasonable eating plans. And I don’t think this diet is an ideal eating plan in ideal conditions. I think that it is lovely and responsible to eat less and exercise more and safely lose a pound a week until you reach your goal weight.

I would do it that way if I could.

A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action

“Just like a Democrat,” you say. “All talk and no action. All these blog posts, blah, blah, blah. When are you going to start the damn thing already? Just do it already!”

Monday. I start on Monday, November 1.

I have a few things to negotiate with my husband, R, who does most of the cooking and who is still not fully supportive of the diet though he says he is supportive of me. Plus, I need to do my two binge-eating days after starting the drops but before starting the 500 calories.

So I guess that actually means I start taking the drops (the ones I may not even believe in) tomorrow. After two days of stuffing myself, I start the 500 calories regimen on Monday.

That means one of my gorging days is Halloween. My mama didn't raise no fool. :)

When I wake up tomorrow, it's on.

Real and Imagined Audiences

Eventually I'm going to have to tell people I'm doing this diet. I imagine people falling into three basic groups.

1.   The Sympathizer/Empathizer Who Gets It and Has Been There:  This prototype is based on my friends and family members who have had life-long struggles with weight. They know what it is to feel desperate and lost and out of control. I imagine them reading along and nodding vigorously when I talk about the shame I feel about my weight. I imagine them tearing up in recognition as I share stories of comparing my weight to professional athletes. Comments I imagine getting from them when I tell them about this diet are things like “it sounds like you have thought about it, and this diet seems like a perfectly reasonable way to tackle this weight problem at this point in your life.”

2.   The Supportive but Skeptical Skeptic: This persona is based on people who don’t really think this is wise or likely to work and/or who don’t personally relate to struggles about weight, but who are willing to accept that someone who does struggle with weight might, at times, choose surprisingly radical means. Comments from this group will be things like “I think it would be better to do this another way, but I know you think this will work for you, and I hope it does.”

3.   The Haterz: This group is absolutely certain that the best way to lose weight is through a responsible and healthy regimen of reduced calorie intake done in conjunction with reasonable exercise. This group doesn't get the deep emotional scarring and pain that weight can cause for some of us, but they think they do, because they have at times been 5 or 10 or even 20 pounds overweight. They have always found that reasonable dieting results in weight loss and simply cannot relate to those who lack the strength and will power to succeed with more traditional methods. This group will probably say things like “I just don’t understand why you’re doing this. I think it is dangerous and insane. Have you thought about adding jogging to your weekly regimen instead?”

Although I am only sharing this blog with real-life friends from group 1 and select people from group 2, I imagine my ethereal, imaginary interwebz readers to fall into these three major categories as well. Am I missing anyone?

Why Another Boring Diet Blog (ABDB)?

Well, first of all, I’m a writer. I don’t make a living as a writer, but writing helps me process. I’m an external processer, meaning I have to talk through things (or write through them) before I know my own mind. My husband, R (you will never, ever catch me using the word “hubby” or “DH”), is an internal processer. When he has a big decision, R takes a walk and comes back with the decision made. But I need to get everyone’s input, advice, and opinion. I need to test out various theories, weigh pros and cons, and sit with different imaginary decisions before I can tell what *I* really think.

Second, I spent some time googling this diet (oh, is it obvious?) and found that reading about others on this diet was helpful. However, I found it really hard to find any information about the HCG diet that was not overwhelmingly in favor or overwhelmingly against. What was missing was the voice of a skeptic with an open mind--someone who did the research, knew the pros and cons, knew the advantages and risks, and didn't rely on hyperbole to hype it up or tear it down. I hope to fill that void, but we'll see. I may eventually become a convert to one or the other extreme position based on my experience.

Finally, I know what people think about this diet, because I have heard people talk about it.  I Imagine I will get a fair amount of shit for doing it, though I don't actually know yet. I think the disapproval will stem mostly because of their skepticism that the HCG is healthy or effective and because of their certainty that eating 500 calories a day is a terrible idea. I have decided to do it anyway, but I am fully aware that I do not have everyone’s support. I guess part of this blog process allows me to adress and counter the arguments. I feel like if people could see inside my heart and inside my head and really get what it feels like to be me in this body, they would understand that I am ready to try anything. They would understand that I have not undertaken this lightly or easily or on a whim.

I am absolutely terrified that people will be talking about how desperate and crazy I am behind my back. Why do I even care?

The Pros

In no particular order of importance:

1) I feel desperate and terrified of never getting this under control. I don't want to be 60 years old and watching every bite that goes in my mouth and every pound that shows up on the scale. I am sad, and tired, and desperate.

2) I feel like I have tried everything. I have so conscientiously done Weight Watchers, South Beach, Jillian Michaels, Intuitive Eating. I have tried exercising like a maniac. I’ve tried moderate exercise. I have tried cutting calories in a responsible way. I have tried cutting calories and exercising at the same time. Hell, I trained for a triathlon. I did Jillian Michaels’ online exercise program five days a week for 70 minutes a day for six months. I lost 10 pounds. Do you know how insanely hard that exercise program is? I felt great, I felt strong, and I felt accomplished. I even felt a tiny bit smaller. But it would take me more than three years to lose the weight at that rate.

3) I keep getting injured, which slows down the fitness part of losing weight. Two years ago, when I was training for my first 5k, I started to have terrible shin and heel pain. I went to see a sports medicine doctor who said I had stress fractures in my shins. You know, from RWF (running while fat). I was so heavy that the weight of my own body was causing tiny, tiny fractures in my shins. That was a proud moment. I had a bone spur on one heel and plantar fasciitis on both feet, also weight related. Those injuries healed, I dropped 15 pounds and started training for a sprint triathlon (300 meter swim, 12 mile bike, 5k run). Three days before the race, I tore two ligaments in my ankle while riding my bike. I am confident that my weight made the injury more severe and made recovery take longer. As I’ve started training again, 4 months after the injury, I know that my weight makes me more susceptible to a repeat injury. My ankles are carrying around 60 pounds more than they should have to.

4) I’m so tired of feeling ashamed. I’m so tired of feeling repulsed when I look at my naked body in the mirror and wondering if my husband feels the same repulsion.

5) I feel like this diet could actually give me the brain space to think about the binge eating in a way that no other diet ever has. When I was on Weight Watchers, I thought about food all.the.time. When I was on Jillian Michaels 1400 calorie diet, I wondered if I should trade my 7 almonds for an extra ¼ cup of cottage cheese. Eating five to six times a day is hard. That’s five or six times a day you have to think about what you can and can’t have. On this diet, you eat so little food and you have so few choices that I have a sneaking suspicion that it might actually be easier than eating more calories with more choices.

6) Seeing quick results might just provide me with the inspiration to keep it off. It’s hard to maintain enough strength and willpower to lose 60 pounds when you’re losing at a rate of 10-15 pounds per year. There are a thousand choices a week that can set you back or keep you moving forward, but you get no instant gratification from those choices, while you do get instant gratification from just eating the damn candy bar. If I can lose 20-30 pounds on the first round of this diet, I will look and feel so much better. That could take me from a size 18 to a size 14. Knowing I’ve had success, knowing how good I feel may just be enough to help me make healthy choices without having to wait weeks/months/years for the payoff.

7) What if there is something to this HCG thing? I must admit, while the scientific evidence isn’t convincing (it doesn’t actually exist, for that matter), the anecdotal evidence is very compelling. And I’m an English major for heaven’s sake, not a scientist. Homeopathic teething tablets worked on my kids when they were babies, and that couldn’t have been psychosomatic because they didn’t know they were supposed to work. I don’t really believe in reiki but my first and only formal reiki session was so healing and transformative, it made me a believer. Some shit works even if you can’t explain why it does.

8) I have three friends who swear by this diet. And no, if they jumped off a bridge, I wouldn’t also jump off a bridge. But these are people who really get what I’m going through in a way that people who haven’t had lifelong weight struggles just cannot understand. It is hard to resist when they talk about how wonderful and easy it is. These are not people in infomercials trying to sell me something. These are my friends who have done it themselves.

9) What do I have to lose? I had my scientist friend check it out, and look, it’s not unsafe. The homeopathic HCG has basically no HCG in it. It’s possible I am blowing $60 on a placebo, but I’m not going to get cancer or something. The low-calorie diet is not going to starve me or give me a heart attack. There are a couple of worst-case scenarios as I see them, and neither of them is dangerous or devastating: either a) I can’t hack the 500 calories, I am miserable and starving, and I quit OR b) I succeed in losing a bunch of weight but gain it all back.

10) It might just work.

It feels terrifying even to type that. What if it just works?

The Cons

In no particular order of importance…

1. I have a six-year old daughter. She is healthy and strong and big boned and athletic and not an ounce overweight. But there will come a day when she thinks she is overweight, and I want to set the example of healthy, sane eating for her, not crazy restrictive diets.

2. 500 calories is not enough food. It seems impossible that you would not feel famished every waking moment. It seems impossible that 500 calories can provide enough nutrition.

3. It seems likely that a lot of the weight loss is probably muscle mass, even though Simeons says it’s all abnormal fat. Without expensive tests or an expensive scale, how will I know? And I bet you can’t exercise very much without feeling weak. And if I don’t exercise for 40 days, I will be weak.

4. My friend the scientist says there are no replicated studies that show any difference in hunger, weight loss, or fat distribution between a group of people taking HCG injections and a group getting a placebo. In other words, the HCG might not even work.

5. Even if you grant that hormonal HCG injections work, I would be doing the homeopathic HCG, and I honestly don’t know if I believe in homeopathy. I mean, I believe in science, and there is no real scientific evidence that homeopathy works in general, much less that homeopathic HCG works. (I’m talking science, not anecdotes). Homeopathy makes absolutely no intuitive sense to me. But I also think there are a lot of things in this world, especially related to energy and healing. I have no problem suspending my disbelief about some things. But the fact is, no one has proven one iota of the “science” behind this diet is real at all. It bothers me when people say that homeopathic HCG is safe because it doesn't have enough HCG in it to cause any of the hormonally-related side effects, but that it is also incredibly powerful and effective because it is so potent. How can both of things be true? Either it has HCG in it and comes with all the associated risks, or it doesn't. Which is it?

6. Dr. Simeons, author of Pounds and Inches and creator of the diet is kind of a douchebag. Have you read his whole manuscript? He has a whole chapter called “Liars and Fools” about patients who aren’t losing because they are either a) deliberately cheating and misleading their doctor about it or b) too stupid to know what they’re doing wrong. He also has this charming and descriptive commentary on binge eaters: “They only feel a feral desire to stuff . . . almost anything edible is crammed down with terrifying speed and ferocity. . . I have occasionally been able to watch such an attack without the patient’s knowledge, and it is a frightening, ugly spectacle to behold, even if one does realize that mechanisms entirely beyond the patient’s control are at work.” It just strikes me as spectacularly insensitive.

7. I know in my head and in my heart that the best and healthiest way to lose weight is by eating plenty of nutritious food, getting lots of exercise, and drinking lots of water. It makes sense. It is scientifically proven. It is healthy. Anyone who cannot lose weight this way is a weak-willed, lazy, worthless slug who either isn’t trying hard enough or doesn’t want it bad enough.

8. There is no way I can keep this weight off even if I do succeed. How many times have we all seen the articles about the ideal weight loss rate of 1-2 pounds per week, max? It is drummed into us that severely restrictive diets will screw your metabolism for life, reduce your muscle mass so that you are a weakling, and result in a total regain of all the weight, plus some. If I do this diet, I am setting myself up for failure.

9. My husband really disapproves (for reasons 1-8). My friends will disapprove when they find out about it, and they undoubtedly will find out about it the first time I bring my own scrawny chicken breast and spinach to a dinner where everyone else is eating baked spaghetti. Everyone will think I am a naïve, gullible idiot. What would be even worse than having everyone think I am a naïve, gullible idiot would be if they felt sorry for me because I am a naïve, gullible idiot.

10. None of this really solves the problem. The reason I am fat is that I overeat. I binge. You might even say it is “a frightening, ugly spectacle”. I don’t know you all well enough yet to share more than that, because it is one of the deepest sources of shame in my life. But the point is, unless I fix whatever is causing me to binge (my brain, my self-esteem, my childhood scars, my anxiety, whatever it is), I will continue to overeat, and I will gain this weight back. This diet doesn’t address ANY of the emotional reasons behind overeating.

To those of you who are already HCG converts, I apologize for the negativity. I am working through some stuff and feel a need to acknowledge that I KNOW all this stuff and that I'm not just ignoring it.

Positivity coming up shortly.

The Plan

So here’s how this diet works. You know, the one that is not terribly supported by the science but that I am inexplicably doing anyway? I have to show plenty of self-deprecating skepticism to protect me emotionally from the people who think this is just totally batshit crazy.

This is just the short version. There are lots of books written about how to do this, so if you are some random internet person finding this blog because you googled "HCG", don’t use this as an instruction guide. Do your own research. This is some controversial shit.

So, doubters and skeptics: here is the 12-week plan. Have a field day.

Day 1: Start taking HCG drops and eat like crazy to build up your “normal” fat reserves.

Day 2: Take drops and eat like crazy.

Day 3 through 40: Take HCG drops and eat 500 calories per day. Each day you can have two small servings of organic protein, two organic vegetables, two organic fruits, and two Melba toasts, all from a preapproved (and quite restricted) list. No fat or sugar or starch of any kind. But, see, you’re not hungry and you’re not malnourished because the HCG is freeing up the nutrients and calories in your “abnormal” fat reserves and is making them available to your body as nutrition.

Days 41-43: stop taking drops so they can clear out of your system, but continue on 500 calorie diet.

Day 44-86: maintenance

I’m hearing that women can lose anywhere from 25 to 35 pounds on the first round of 40 days. It sounds too good to be true (which means it probably is).

There seem to be three main reasons you stop after 40 days, even if you haven't lost as much as you want to lose.

1) your body becomes immune to the HCG, which means the 500-calorie diet is no longer sustainable because of insane hunger pangs.

2) you start to lose “normal” fat instead of “abnormal” fat, which will make you look drawn and sunken-cheeked without reducing the size of your waist, hips, and butt.

3) your metabolism will go into starvation mode and you need to "reset" it to your new weight. The idea (if I’ve got this right), is to eat as many calories as you can and still maintain your weight. If you continue on a low calorie diet, say 1500 calories, your body will think “I need 1500 calories to maintain my new weight,” and if you ever eat more than that, you’ll gain back. But if you can get away with eating 2300 calories on maintenance, then your body will think you need 2300 calories to maintain your new weight. This part of the idea actually makes sense to me based on the reading I’ve done.

For the first three weeks of maintenance, you eat much like you did on the program (lean meats, veggies, fruits), but you eat a lot MORE. Then for the second three weeks, you can add a lot of healthy carbs. It sounds sort of like phase 2 of the South Beach Diet.

Then, if you need to do a second round, you can. Your second round is the same as the first in duration and practice. But your second maintenance round is eight weeks instead of six. You can even do a third round if you need to, but your third maintenance round is 12 weeks. The maintenance rounds get longer and longer to 1) decrease your immunity to the HCG so that it will work again and 2) really “set” your metabolism at your new weight so it isn’t impossible to maintain.

Then, the theory is that you can eat normally and maintain your weight. You cannot overeat and maintain your weight. You can eat normally.

Hope

I met with the friend today who is going to help me with this HCG stuff. She explained everything to me. She herself has lost 70 pounds on two rounds of HCG and is in her second maintenance phase. So she's not yet a case study for keeping it off for years and years, but she sure is for the weight loss. She says she's not hungry and she feels stronger and healthier than ever.

Three months ago, before I got injured, I was writing off this HCG diet that she was doing as definitely not for me. My metabolism was in great shape and I didn't want to risk it. But I haven't been able to get our conversations out of my mind. I have just waffled and waffled, as this blog is showing.

R doesn't like it, but he said he'll support me. This is the first time I've done something BIG that he really didn't want me to do. Not that I am normally a shrinking violet when it comes to my marriage; far from it. But I care a lot about what he thinks, and I trust him and love him. He doesn't often come down strongly against something I want to do, so when he does, I naturally take it seriously. But my friend H reminded me I needed to drown out the voices saying "do it!" and the voices saying "don't do it!" and listen to my OWN voice. My own voice says I have nothing to lose. It is freeing and exhilerating to listen to my own voice now and then. And I asked R if he would tell me if he thought this as as crazy and dangerous as gastric bypass surgery or a cocaine addiction to lose weight. He said he did not think it was THAT crazy.

I walked around today imagining that by this Thanksgiving, I could be 25 pounds lighter. To some of you, that may seem like a small thing, but to me . . . I can't even put into words what it would mean to have that hope again. Even if I don't keep it off, even if this diet doesn't work long term, having hope again feels amazing. and I had a long talk last night, and he is still not crazy about the homeopathic part. He just thinks its too weird and unregulated. He says fine if I want to do a 500 calorie plan for awhile and lose a bunch of weight, but why not do it without the drops? But I feel like they are harmless, and if it helps psychosomatically, why not? I feel like if I'm going to to do it, do it. Follow the plan the way the people who have had success have done it. 

Doubt

About three months ago, a friend of mine told me she'd started the HCG Diet. Even finding one article to hyperlink was tough because it seems like every single website about HCG is written either by people selling the diet or by people selling another diet. It makes it hard to separate fact from fiction and science from anecdote.


This diet is controversial. Basically, the way it works is that you eat 500 calories a day (I know, crazy, right?) while taking HCG (injections or homeopathic).


HCG is the pregnancy hormone that guarantees that a fetus gets all the nutrients it needs to grow no matter how much food the mother is actually getting. The HCG actually converts fat from the mother's body into nutrients for the fetus. In the 1960's, Dr. Simeons wondered if overweight people could use HCG to rid their bodies of excess fat while keeping intense hunger pangs away.


Dieters following the HCG protocol eat 500 calories a day, but the HCG supposedly frees up reserves of stored fat so that you lose weight without being hungry, AND you stay healthy. His studies showed it worked wonders. Thousands of anecdotes all over the interwebz show that it works wonders.


Five people I know claim it is a total fucking miracle.I'm not much for miracles. Scientific studies have not been able to replicate the results. Scientific studies have shown that you lose weight when you're on a 500 calorie diet, whether or not you take HCG. Studies have also shown that hunger levels are the same, whether you're taking HCG or not.So why am I even considering this?


Not only am I considering it, I'm starting on Monday.