Hope

I met with the friend today who is going to help me with this HCG stuff. She explained everything to me. She herself has lost 70 pounds on two rounds of HCG and is in her second maintenance phase. So she's not yet a case study for keeping it off for years and years, but she sure is for the weight loss. She says she's not hungry and she feels stronger and healthier than ever.

Three months ago, before I got injured, I was writing off this HCG diet that she was doing as definitely not for me. My metabolism was in great shape and I didn't want to risk it. But I haven't been able to get our conversations out of my mind. I have just waffled and waffled, as this blog is showing.

R doesn't like it, but he said he'll support me. This is the first time I've done something BIG that he really didn't want me to do. Not that I am normally a shrinking violet when it comes to my marriage; far from it. But I care a lot about what he thinks, and I trust him and love him. He doesn't often come down strongly against something I want to do, so when he does, I naturally take it seriously. But my friend H reminded me I needed to drown out the voices saying "do it!" and the voices saying "don't do it!" and listen to my OWN voice. My own voice says I have nothing to lose. It is freeing and exhilerating to listen to my own voice now and then. And I asked R if he would tell me if he thought this as as crazy and dangerous as gastric bypass surgery or a cocaine addiction to lose weight. He said he did not think it was THAT crazy.

I walked around today imagining that by this Thanksgiving, I could be 25 pounds lighter. To some of you, that may seem like a small thing, but to me . . . I can't even put into words what it would mean to have that hope again. Even if I don't keep it off, even if this diet doesn't work long term, having hope again feels amazing. and I had a long talk last night, and he is still not crazy about the homeopathic part. He just thinks its too weird and unregulated. He says fine if I want to do a 500 calorie plan for awhile and lose a bunch of weight, but why not do it without the drops? But I feel like they are harmless, and if it helps psychosomatically, why not? I feel like if I'm going to to do it, do it. Follow the plan the way the people who have had success have done it.