Last Day of Drops (P2, D40)

Y'all, I have been eating 500 calories a day for 40 days. 500 healthy calories. I honestly didn't think I could do it. Again, not to glamorize starving yourself (because I haven't been that hungry for most of the 40 days), but I am kind of proud of myself that I have stuck with this. It hasn't been impossible, but it hasn't been easy. I have eaten at friends' houses (and brought my own food or eaten before or after) 13 times in the 40 days. I have hosted my WW mother-in-law at my house for the weekend (and am doing it again this weekend). I've survived Thanksgiving and early Christmas party season. It hasn't been easy. But I did it! And today is my 40th day!

After today, which is my last day of voodoo drops, I have three more days of 500 calories. However, we are driving to Washington, DC tomorrow with my inlaws for a special Christmas production--it's a family tradition and one that we do every year. I think I can do pretty well with food choices but maybe not 100% protocol. We'll see how it goes--it may be impossible to get totally naked meat and only one protocol vegetable. I guess I could make some food and bring it with me. I'm gonna think on it.

I lost 0.4 this morning, so continued slow loss. I technically had my third cheat of the diet last night, though it was unintentional. I had to pick up my dinner at the local health food store in between a meeting and my pottery class, and they had chicken deli meat, fresh off the roasted chicken breast. I looked at the ingredients and didn't see anything bad (no oil, no sugar, just spices), so I ate about 4 slices and then saw an asterisk on the list of ingredients that said "*less than 1% of each of the following," and one of them was honey. But I still lost a little this morning. I was kind of expecting a bigger drop today; I feel smaller. Maybe it will come tomorrow, or maybe my body is just done for now.

I haven't reached the goal that I thought would be pretty easy to each (195 lbs or less). And I don't think I'm going to get there in the next 3 days at the rate I'm losing now. But I am really and truly okay with that. I've had a little attitude shift in the last week or so. I just feel really good.

I lost 2.8 last week and 2.4 so far this week. I was thinking this morning that I probably should have stopped this about a week ago, but in for a dime, in for a dollar, you know? If I do another round in late January/early February to get some more off, I think I am going to listen to my body a bit more and quit sooner if I feel like I should.

I feel awesome today. I went to Pilates at 8:10 this morning. I looked around the room, and you know what? I was probably still the biggest person in there, but not so big that everyone else would be wondering what the fat girl was doing in an exercise class. I am wearing cute little yoga pants that make my ass look pretty good and a cute little yoga top that shows off my waist. I'm excited to start doing more strength-building exercise once I'm eating a bit more food and have the calories to support it.

I almost, nearly, for about a half second looked at my body in all those pilates studio mirrors and thought, "hmm, maybe I'm done. Maybe this is good enough." I'm still very overweight according to BMI and weight though, but it was nice to be kind and flattering and appreciative of myself for that one half second. It also helped that I ran into a few people I know at the gym and every single one of them commented on my weight loss. One didn't even recognize me. I know external validation shouldn't mean so much, but it does.

At this particular moment in time, I am nothing but excited and optimistic about the future as it specifically relates to food, eating, diet, etc. I feel really, really good.