Down a pound today, but was hoping for a bigget break to the recent stall. Boo. This whole week feels like a wasted week so far.
My rebellious teenage side has been resistant to buckling down, but I'm recommitting today. If I'm gonna do it, I should just fucking do it even if I think the rules don't all make sense. No more whining, no more complaining, no more moping around. I'm giving it one week. One week of following this diet to absolute perfection, one week to see how much I can lose when I do things perfectly (although, I am still going to run 3 days a week and eat extra calories on those days).
My motto this week: STFU and do the damn diet.
Showing posts with label Plateau. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Plateau. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Stalled (Round 2, Phase2, Day 18)
OMFG this is dragging, especially now that I'm stalled. Why I am I stalled? The possible reasons are legion. The top two contenders are 1) a pretty major cheat on Saturday (babysitting swap at a neighbor's house and ate probably 300-400 calories of their corn chips, wheat thins, dried apricots and peanuts). They tell you on this diet that a cheat will show up for several days in a row. 2) My period; when I got my period in Round 1, I stalled for a few days too.
I've been saying I would probably stop at 23 days, but now that I'll hit that this week, I don't want to, especially on the heels of a stall. Interesting conversation with R this morning. He's been against the diet since Day 1, but now that I am so close to just finishing, he says it is his opinion that I should just knock it out and finish the 40 days.
Meanwhile, I have been on this diet for Thanksgiving, Christmas, both my kids' birthdays,both my parents' birthdays, my birthday, and now Valentine's Day. Dieting this time of year is not for pussies.
I'm learning less about my habits and my behaviors this time around. It just feels like a slog, like something I have to endure. Maybe that's just where I am right now.
I need a loss tomorrow, and I need a decent loss. I'd really like to get under 187, which seems unlikely, but that's what I'm wishing for. My motivation needs a boost.
Leave me some motivating comments!
I've been saying I would probably stop at 23 days, but now that I'll hit that this week, I don't want to, especially on the heels of a stall. Interesting conversation with R this morning. He's been against the diet since Day 1, but now that I am so close to just finishing, he says it is his opinion that I should just knock it out and finish the 40 days.
| 15 | 2/11/2011 | 188.4 | -1.0 |
| 16 | 2/12/2011 | 188.6 | 0.2 |
| 17 | 2/13/2011 | 188.8 | 0.2 |
| 18 | 2/14/2011 | 189 | 0.2 |
Meanwhile, I have been on this diet for Thanksgiving, Christmas, both my kids' birthdays,both my parents' birthdays, my birthday, and now Valentine's Day. Dieting this time of year is not for pussies.
I'm learning less about my habits and my behaviors this time around. It just feels like a slog, like something I have to endure. Maybe that's just where I am right now.
I need a loss tomorrow, and I need a decent loss. I'd really like to get under 187, which seems unlikely, but that's what I'm wishing for. My motivation needs a boost.
Leave me some motivating comments!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Starting Week Five (P2, D29)
Very small loss this morning (-0.4) but I woke up really excited and hopeful about starting a new week. I have two weeks left, and I realize I'm getting obsessive, anxious, and really focused on numbers and what maintenance will bring. I keep looking at the last 10 days or so as a mini-plateau, but two Mondays ago I was 212.4 and two weeks later, I am 203. That's actually really awesome, and I don't know why I need to undermine my success. It's my perfectionist-yet-underachiever thing at work, I think.
So today, I'm resolving just to work the plan the best I can, mix it up a bit where it makes sense, and just let go of the obsessive focus I've had the last week, which did not do me a bit of good.
I need to bring calm focus to all areas of my life including my job, my marriage, my weight loss protocol, my relationship with my children, and the fucking holidays. I think "calm focus" can be best summed up by the Serenity Prayer, which has always spoken to me (even when I was a child), even though I have not, until very recently, identified as an addict. I am just a puppet master who likes to be the boss of everything.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
So I woke up this morning with a spring in my step. I had grapefruit for breakfast instead of waiting until lunch to eat anything. Did a work conference call, then felt scattered, so instead of fucking around on Facebook, I took a very brisk 45 minute walk. I did a lot of thinking on that walk that I think was very helpful to me. I don't spend very much time alone with my thoughts (I prefer to be busy and distracted), and whenever I do it, I can usually uncover something valuable. Plus, I got to listen to really good music.
I did that on Saturday, too. R and I got in a fight and I took a walk (instead of eating, crying, fuming, shopping, or any of the other coping techniques I might usually employ). Wow, this looks remarkably like sanity!
When I returned from my walk this morning, I straightened my office (sometimes I think I need an organized environment in order to have an organized head). Then I began work in earnest around 11 a.m. I worked two solid hours before losing my focus again. So here I am.
Anyway, the point is that I am renewing my commitment to this diet for the last two weeks. It never really waned, and I think I've been doing everything right, but I'm going to try some new tactics this week and see what happens:
Onward, ho!
So today, I'm resolving just to work the plan the best I can, mix it up a bit where it makes sense, and just let go of the obsessive focus I've had the last week, which did not do me a bit of good.
I need to bring calm focus to all areas of my life including my job, my marriage, my weight loss protocol, my relationship with my children, and the fucking holidays. I think "calm focus" can be best summed up by the Serenity Prayer, which has always spoken to me (even when I was a child), even though I have not, until very recently, identified as an addict. I am just a puppet master who likes to be the boss of everything.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
So I woke up this morning with a spring in my step. I had grapefruit for breakfast instead of waiting until lunch to eat anything. Did a work conference call, then felt scattered, so instead of fucking around on Facebook, I took a very brisk 45 minute walk. I did a lot of thinking on that walk that I think was very helpful to me. I don't spend very much time alone with my thoughts (I prefer to be busy and distracted), and whenever I do it, I can usually uncover something valuable. Plus, I got to listen to really good music.
I did that on Saturday, too. R and I got in a fight and I took a walk (instead of eating, crying, fuming, shopping, or any of the other coping techniques I might usually employ). Wow, this looks remarkably like sanity!
When I returned from my walk this morning, I straightened my office (sometimes I think I need an organized environment in order to have an organized head). Then I began work in earnest around 11 a.m. I worked two solid hours before losing my focus again. So here I am.
Anyway, the point is that I am renewing my commitment to this diet for the last two weeks. It never really waned, and I think I've been doing everything right, but I'm going to try some new tactics this week and see what happens:
- mix it up with eating times. I have gotten in the habit of having only coffee for breakfast and not eating food until lunch. I'm going to play around with eating a fruit for breakfast or maybe even trying a double protein lunch and no dinner.
- I'm going back to eating only chicken and grass-fed beef. I've been adding some shrimp, tuna, white fish and other meats for variety, but my weight loss has also slowed down. Who knows if that is why.
- exercise every day, even if only briefly. I had so much time off last week with the kids and holiday schedules that I missed a lot of days.
- water: I've been getting lazy about water since it's gotten really cold here. I've definitely been getting 64 oz, but some days not more than that, and I am recommitting to drink at least 100 oz a day (48 oz so far today at 2:00 EST)
- stop stressing about the numbers on the scale. They are what they are, and what I lose in 40 days is what I lose in 40 days.
- stop stressing about maintenance, which isn't happening for 2 more weeks anyway.
Onward, ho!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Phase 2, Day 5 (P2, D5)
I am questioning the precision and accuracy of my scale. My first weigh-in today was 218.6, same as yesterday. That surprised me a bit, not because I'm greedy and unhappy with what I've lost, but just because I continue to be letter perfect and wouldn't have expected a stall so soon, even after pretty quick weight loss.
So I weighed myself again and got 219.4, then 217.2, then 219.8, then 218.4, etc. All within about a three-pound range. K pointed out that basically I need to look at this scale as if it has a 2 pound margin of error. It seems to be directionally accurate (a phrase statisticians loathe) but not precise. That's going to make it hard to identify when I have specific slip ups or mistakes that cause a weight gain.
So what I might do is start weighing myself once a week at the gym, because they have a doctor's scale. It's a pain to do it every day because I would have to go first thing in the morning, which is already crazy enough with getting kids ready for school, carpools, getting ready for work, etc. But once a week I can manage, and it will give me a bigger picture sense of what's happening.
I am happy to report on day 5 that the hunger is getting marginally better, or maybe I'm just getting more used to it. I have been feeling famished by mid-morning and have usually been eating an apple in the morning instead of with my lunch because I just don't feel like I can wait.
Today, I definitely felt hungry all day, but also got caught up on the phone and didn't eat anything at all until 1:30. I felt like I was starving, but apparently not so starving that I managed to eat at noon like I have been doing. So that seems like it's improving somewhat.
Random observations:
1) Food definitely has more flavor. Eating even very simple foods has been satisfying flavor-wise for me. I haven't been doing recipes, mostly just simply seasoned pan-grilled meat over whatever veggie I'm having. It actually all tastes really good to me.
2) I'm foregoing the stevia for the time being, even though it is allowed. Part of this diet for me is about resetting my brain and my attitude, and I think I need to get away from the intense sugar cravings. I had some stevia in my herbal tea the first day, and it was ok, but it's okay without it too. I may fold on this eventually, but for now, no stevia.
3) I have serious humiliation at my "number," aka, my weight. I have a lot of skinny friends who I trust to be gentle with me if I share this blog with them or the fact that I am doing this diet. But I am horrified at the idea of a friend who thinks 150 pounds on her own body is fat seeing that I top the scales at 218 AFTER I've lost 11 pounds. It's just mortifying to think about. I cringe even though I know in my head that 1) they won't judge me 2) no one cares about this as much as I do and 3) anyone who does care about it can probably figure out what I weigh within 10 pounds or so ANYWAY. It's just that for women, that 200 mark is such a source of shame. Women are not supposed to weigh more than 200 pounds, period.
Hey, here's a free tip. If you are fat, don't spend a lot of timing looking at heights and weights of NFL players. There are too many male, professional athletes my height (5'9") that weigh in the 180-195 range. Ugh. Even Serena Williams who is a strong, powerful, BUILT, and hardly slender woman is 5'10" and 185.
My friend K had a brilliant suggestion. She said I should measure my weight in a unit that has no meaning or baggage for me, like kilos or stones (inspired by Bridget Jones' diary). So if it gives me heart palpitations to say that I weigh 218 pounds, I could also just say I weigh 15.5 stones or 98.9 kilos. So I weigh 15.5 stones today and 15.3 stones tomorrow. Nobody knows that that's as much as a professional baseball player weighs. It's just a number. Yes, I think that does feel much better.
4) R (my husband) is getting more and more supportive every day. He was really not happy about this diet at first, but is coming along.
5) I still feel shy about telling people what I'm doing. It just seems so crazy and irresponsible to take a homeopathic form of a female hormone and combine it with a starvation diet to lose weight. It just seems impossible that I will be able to keep it off long term. I will write more in an upcoming post about why this appeals to me so much even though it is so extreme.
6) I have felt really good this week, despite feeling intense hunger at times. Today is the first day I don't feel super energetic and happy and upbeat. I wonder if that's because I didn't lose today, so I feel less excited or if the low-cal thing is just catching up with me. I have done yoga twice this week and taken a short walk; my goal next week will be to pay more attention to exercise.
7) I'm going to another party tonight. My plan is to bring my own food and tell people I'm on a detox diet. Tomorrow night is date night with R. We're going to have to figure out something that doesn't involve dinner!
So I weighed myself again and got 219.4, then 217.2, then 219.8, then 218.4, etc. All within about a three-pound range. K pointed out that basically I need to look at this scale as if it has a 2 pound margin of error. It seems to be directionally accurate (a phrase statisticians loathe) but not precise. That's going to make it hard to identify when I have specific slip ups or mistakes that cause a weight gain.
So what I might do is start weighing myself once a week at the gym, because they have a doctor's scale. It's a pain to do it every day because I would have to go first thing in the morning, which is already crazy enough with getting kids ready for school, carpools, getting ready for work, etc. But once a week I can manage, and it will give me a bigger picture sense of what's happening.
| Day | Date | Weight | Daily Change | Total Loss |
| Day 1 | 11/1/2010 | 229.6 | n/a | n/a |
| Day 2 | 11/2/2010 | 225.6 | -4 | -4 |
| Day 3 | 11/3/2010 | 221.6 | -4 | -8 |
| Day 4 | 11/4/2010 | 218.6 | -3 | -11 |
| Day 5 | 11/5/2010 | 218.6 | 0 | -11 |
I am happy to report on day 5 that the hunger is getting marginally better, or maybe I'm just getting more used to it. I have been feeling famished by mid-morning and have usually been eating an apple in the morning instead of with my lunch because I just don't feel like I can wait.
Today, I definitely felt hungry all day, but also got caught up on the phone and didn't eat anything at all until 1:30. I felt like I was starving, but apparently not so starving that I managed to eat at noon like I have been doing. So that seems like it's improving somewhat.
Random observations:
1) Food definitely has more flavor. Eating even very simple foods has been satisfying flavor-wise for me. I haven't been doing recipes, mostly just simply seasoned pan-grilled meat over whatever veggie I'm having. It actually all tastes really good to me.
2) I'm foregoing the stevia for the time being, even though it is allowed. Part of this diet for me is about resetting my brain and my attitude, and I think I need to get away from the intense sugar cravings. I had some stevia in my herbal tea the first day, and it was ok, but it's okay without it too. I may fold on this eventually, but for now, no stevia.
3) I have serious humiliation at my "number," aka, my weight. I have a lot of skinny friends who I trust to be gentle with me if I share this blog with them or the fact that I am doing this diet. But I am horrified at the idea of a friend who thinks 150 pounds on her own body is fat seeing that I top the scales at 218 AFTER I've lost 11 pounds. It's just mortifying to think about. I cringe even though I know in my head that 1) they won't judge me 2) no one cares about this as much as I do and 3) anyone who does care about it can probably figure out what I weigh within 10 pounds or so ANYWAY. It's just that for women, that 200 mark is such a source of shame. Women are not supposed to weigh more than 200 pounds, period.
Hey, here's a free tip. If you are fat, don't spend a lot of timing looking at heights and weights of NFL players. There are too many male, professional athletes my height (5'9") that weigh in the 180-195 range. Ugh. Even Serena Williams who is a strong, powerful, BUILT, and hardly slender woman is 5'10" and 185.
My friend K had a brilliant suggestion. She said I should measure my weight in a unit that has no meaning or baggage for me, like kilos or stones (inspired by Bridget Jones' diary). So if it gives me heart palpitations to say that I weigh 218 pounds, I could also just say I weigh 15.5 stones or 98.9 kilos. So I weigh 15.5 stones today and 15.3 stones tomorrow. Nobody knows that that's as much as a professional baseball player weighs. It's just a number. Yes, I think that does feel much better.
4) R (my husband) is getting more and more supportive every day. He was really not happy about this diet at first, but is coming along.
5) I still feel shy about telling people what I'm doing. It just seems so crazy and irresponsible to take a homeopathic form of a female hormone and combine it with a starvation diet to lose weight. It just seems impossible that I will be able to keep it off long term. I will write more in an upcoming post about why this appeals to me so much even though it is so extreme.
6) I have felt really good this week, despite feeling intense hunger at times. Today is the first day I don't feel super energetic and happy and upbeat. I wonder if that's because I didn't lose today, so I feel less excited or if the low-cal thing is just catching up with me. I have done yoga twice this week and taken a short walk; my goal next week will be to pay more attention to exercise.
7) I'm going to another party tonight. My plan is to bring my own food and tell people I'm on a detox diet. Tomorrow night is date night with R. We're going to have to figure out something that doesn't involve dinner!
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