Down a pound today, but was hoping for a bigget break to the recent stall. Boo. This whole week feels like a wasted week so far.
My rebellious teenage side has been resistant to buckling down, but I'm recommitting today. If I'm gonna do it, I should just fucking do it even if I think the rules don't all make sense. No more whining, no more complaining, no more moping around. I'm giving it one week. One week of following this diet to absolute perfection, one week to see how much I can lose when I do things perfectly (although, I am still going to run 3 days a week and eat extra calories on those days).
My motto this week: STFU and do the damn diet.
Showing posts with label Stall. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stall. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Stalled (Round 2, Phase2, Day 18)
OMFG this is dragging, especially now that I'm stalled. Why I am I stalled? The possible reasons are legion. The top two contenders are 1) a pretty major cheat on Saturday (babysitting swap at a neighbor's house and ate probably 300-400 calories of their corn chips, wheat thins, dried apricots and peanuts). They tell you on this diet that a cheat will show up for several days in a row. 2) My period; when I got my period in Round 1, I stalled for a few days too.
I've been saying I would probably stop at 23 days, but now that I'll hit that this week, I don't want to, especially on the heels of a stall. Interesting conversation with R this morning. He's been against the diet since Day 1, but now that I am so close to just finishing, he says it is his opinion that I should just knock it out and finish the 40 days.
Meanwhile, I have been on this diet for Thanksgiving, Christmas, both my kids' birthdays,both my parents' birthdays, my birthday, and now Valentine's Day. Dieting this time of year is not for pussies.
I'm learning less about my habits and my behaviors this time around. It just feels like a slog, like something I have to endure. Maybe that's just where I am right now.
I need a loss tomorrow, and I need a decent loss. I'd really like to get under 187, which seems unlikely, but that's what I'm wishing for. My motivation needs a boost.
Leave me some motivating comments!
I've been saying I would probably stop at 23 days, but now that I'll hit that this week, I don't want to, especially on the heels of a stall. Interesting conversation with R this morning. He's been against the diet since Day 1, but now that I am so close to just finishing, he says it is his opinion that I should just knock it out and finish the 40 days.
| 15 | 2/11/2011 | 188.4 | -1.0 |
| 16 | 2/12/2011 | 188.6 | 0.2 |
| 17 | 2/13/2011 | 188.8 | 0.2 |
| 18 | 2/14/2011 | 189 | 0.2 |
Meanwhile, I have been on this diet for Thanksgiving, Christmas, both my kids' birthdays,both my parents' birthdays, my birthday, and now Valentine's Day. Dieting this time of year is not for pussies.
I'm learning less about my habits and my behaviors this time around. It just feels like a slog, like something I have to endure. Maybe that's just where I am right now.
I need a loss tomorrow, and I need a decent loss. I'd really like to get under 187, which seems unlikely, but that's what I'm wishing for. My motivation needs a boost.
Leave me some motivating comments!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Holding Steady (P2, D38)
Holding steady at 199.2 today; down 30.4 pounds. Ready to be done. Ready to eat eggs, cheese, oil, nuts.
Two more days of drops (Friday is my last day of drops). Then I have to stick to the 500 calories for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Then Tuesday, I wake up and start 6 weeks of maintenance, maintaining my last HCG weight (Tuesday morning's weight) within 2 pounds. If I ever go more than 2 pounds over my last HCG weight, I'm supposed to do a steak day or an apple day.
Let's blow this mutha out.
Two more days of drops (Friday is my last day of drops). Then I have to stick to the 500 calories for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Then Tuesday, I wake up and start 6 weeks of maintenance, maintaining my last HCG weight (Tuesday morning's weight) within 2 pounds. If I ever go more than 2 pounds over my last HCG weight, I'm supposed to do a steak day or an apple day.
Let's blow this mutha out.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Inch By Inch (P2, D33)
Down only 0.2 today, which I guess makes sense after a big loss, but I was looking at the big loss as making up for the previous small losses, not as something that might cause continued small losses.
I'm starting to get hungry again, and have upped my drops to 20 three times a day. The hunger isn't agonizing (not as bad as the first week, or maybe I'm just used to it), but my hunger was nonexistent for the middle three weeks or so--I had to remind myself to eat.
If you buy into the whole idea of the drops, you can technically become immune to them anywhere between 20-40 days. So I feel hungry, a little draggy (though still able to walk 3 miles and do yoga), weight loss has slowed, and I've noticed low blood pressure the last week or so (extreme dizziness when I stand up quickly). But I'm also coming off a really long period AND I think I'm getting a sinus infection. There are so many factors that contribute to the way you feel, it's hard to tease them out.
So how do I know if I am becoming immune, and if I am becoming immune, is there any harm to just powering through the last 10 days anyway? I'm so close, and would love to do the whole 40 days just for the accomplishment of it. But then if I am becoming immune and I stop now, then I get to start maintenance a week earlier and I get to start another round (if I decide to do one) a week earlier. [You're supposed to do 6 weeks of maintenance after a full round].
I think it got stuck in my head somewhere that I am *supposed* to be losing 5 pounds a week after the first week, and I'm not even that close. I had so much luck at first, that I was secretly thinking I could lose 40 pounds in 40 days, even though women tend to lose 30-35, It looks like I will be solidly in that group, after all, which is awesome! Not terrible! But that's why there is this current constantly running through the blog of "not enough weight loss, not enough weight loss."
In truth, I have averaged a loss of 0.6 pounds per day over the last two weeks (when I have been convinced my weight loss has slowed almost to a halt) and 0.9 pounds a day over the course of the whole 33 days so far.
It's funny, Shannon (my friend who has lost a shit ton on the HCG plan) has been cautioning me strongly against self-sabotage. She thinks that my negativity is going to/has already impacted my eating or my ability to follow the plan. But that's not really my MO for self-sabotage. My MO is more to set the bar so high that no matter what I do, it will be impossible to achieve it (c.f. secretly thinking I would lose 40 pounds in 40 days even though almost no one does, thereby virtually guaranteeing disappointment in myself when I don't do it).
So there are two issues at hand in today's navel-gazing blog post:
1) Am I becoming immune to the fancy voodoo drops, and should I stop round 1 early? Should I power through anyway?
2) As of today, I am just deciding that I am doing awesome, because 28.8 pounds is a lot of weight to lose in a short amount of time, and I am finally starting to see the difference in my body, am finally able to fit in some old clothes, and am feeling different. I know my loyal blog readers (all three of you!) have been telling me for ages that I'm doing awesome, but really I need to decide I'm doing awesome. You know? Also, something I need to work on outside the bounds of this diet is the need to constantly assess my awesomeness. It's a terrible habit.
In other news, I am going DANCING tonight!! A local club is hosting a dance party featuring only the music of Madonna, Lady Gaga, and M.I.A. A friend of mine invited a few of us to descend on the place and try to raise the average age of the joint. I will be wearing new size 16 jeans and a sparkly tank top. I have a raging sinus headache, but I want to do this so bad, I might just have to power through. I am actually 50% totally fucking excited and 50% nervous, because I have not gone to a CLUB in at least 6 or 7 years, maybe more, though I used to go to clubs in D.C. all the time in college. And I know we will be the oldest ones there by a lot, but I am trying to be brave. What if someone creepy hits on me? What if no one hits on me? Back in the day, I had a lot of techniques for turning away unwanted attention. They are a bit rusty, to say the least.
Also, the boy I was madly in love with in high school is a local DJ, and I really don't want to see him (just because I am not skinny or hot enough yet to see him as a mom of two kids with a corporate job while he is DJing), though honestly, it would be easy to avoid him if he were.
Yes, I am neurotic. But then you all knew that anyway. Tonight I will be a neurotic, shorty fire burning on the dance floor. :)
I'm starting to get hungry again, and have upped my drops to 20 three times a day. The hunger isn't agonizing (not as bad as the first week, or maybe I'm just used to it), but my hunger was nonexistent for the middle three weeks or so--I had to remind myself to eat.
If you buy into the whole idea of the drops, you can technically become immune to them anywhere between 20-40 days. So I feel hungry, a little draggy (though still able to walk 3 miles and do yoga), weight loss has slowed, and I've noticed low blood pressure the last week or so (extreme dizziness when I stand up quickly). But I'm also coming off a really long period AND I think I'm getting a sinus infection. There are so many factors that contribute to the way you feel, it's hard to tease them out.
So how do I know if I am becoming immune, and if I am becoming immune, is there any harm to just powering through the last 10 days anyway? I'm so close, and would love to do the whole 40 days just for the accomplishment of it. But then if I am becoming immune and I stop now, then I get to start maintenance a week earlier and I get to start another round (if I decide to do one) a week earlier. [You're supposed to do 6 weeks of maintenance after a full round].
I think it got stuck in my head somewhere that I am *supposed* to be losing 5 pounds a week after the first week, and I'm not even that close. I had so much luck at first, that I was secretly thinking I could lose 40 pounds in 40 days, even though women tend to lose 30-35, It looks like I will be solidly in that group, after all, which is awesome! Not terrible! But that's why there is this current constantly running through the blog of "not enough weight loss, not enough weight loss."
In truth, I have averaged a loss of 0.6 pounds per day over the last two weeks (when I have been convinced my weight loss has slowed almost to a halt) and 0.9 pounds a day over the course of the whole 33 days so far.
It's funny, Shannon (my friend who has lost a shit ton on the HCG plan) has been cautioning me strongly against self-sabotage. She thinks that my negativity is going to/has already impacted my eating or my ability to follow the plan. But that's not really my MO for self-sabotage. My MO is more to set the bar so high that no matter what I do, it will be impossible to achieve it (c.f. secretly thinking I would lose 40 pounds in 40 days even though almost no one does, thereby virtually guaranteeing disappointment in myself when I don't do it).
So there are two issues at hand in today's navel-gazing blog post:
1) Am I becoming immune to the fancy voodoo drops, and should I stop round 1 early? Should I power through anyway?
2) As of today, I am just deciding that I am doing awesome, because 28.8 pounds is a lot of weight to lose in a short amount of time, and I am finally starting to see the difference in my body, am finally able to fit in some old clothes, and am feeling different. I know my loyal blog readers (all three of you!) have been telling me for ages that I'm doing awesome, but really I need to decide I'm doing awesome. You know? Also, something I need to work on outside the bounds of this diet is the need to constantly assess my awesomeness. It's a terrible habit.
In other news, I am going DANCING tonight!! A local club is hosting a dance party featuring only the music of Madonna, Lady Gaga, and M.I.A. A friend of mine invited a few of us to descend on the place and try to raise the average age of the joint. I will be wearing new size 16 jeans and a sparkly tank top. I have a raging sinus headache, but I want to do this so bad, I might just have to power through. I am actually 50% totally fucking excited and 50% nervous, because I have not gone to a CLUB in at least 6 or 7 years, maybe more, though I used to go to clubs in D.C. all the time in college. And I know we will be the oldest ones there by a lot, but I am trying to be brave. What if someone creepy hits on me? What if no one hits on me? Back in the day, I had a lot of techniques for turning away unwanted attention. They are a bit rusty, to say the least.
Also, the boy I was madly in love with in high school is a local DJ, and I really don't want to see him (just because I am not skinny or hot enough yet to see him as a mom of two kids with a corporate job while he is DJing), though honestly, it would be easy to avoid him if he were.
Yes, I am neurotic. But then you all knew that anyway. Tonight I will be a neurotic, shorty fire burning on the dance floor. :)
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Blah Blah Blah (P2, D30)
I waited awhile to post today, because I needed to get my head in order. All my rational, calm sanity went out the window this morning when I weighed in at the exact same this morning, despite all my rational, calm sanity yesterday that was SUPPOSED to result in more weight loss, dammit. I can only be expected to be rational, calm and sane IF I AM GETTING WHAT I WANT.
I'm kidding. Sort of.
Still, I pulled myself out of it, and am still hopeful for tomorrow.
But things have definitely really slowed down for me. Is it my crazy pills? Wellbutrin should be okay, but Lexapro could be causing problems. That would be unfortunate. I just can't think about this any more. All I can do is work the plan and trust it will all work out in the finish.
I'm kidding. Sort of.
Still, I pulled myself out of it, and am still hopeful for tomorrow.
But things have definitely really slowed down for me. Is it my crazy pills? Wellbutrin should be okay, but Lexapro could be causing problems. That would be unfortunate. I just can't think about this any more. All I can do is work the plan and trust it will all work out in the finish.
| Day | Date | Weight | Daily Change | Total Loss |
| Day 1 | 11/1/2010 | 229.6 | n/a | n/a |
| Day 2 | 11/2/2010 | 225.6 | -4.0 | -4 |
| Day 3 | 11/3/2010 | 221.6 | -4.0 | -8 |
| Day 4 | 11/4/2010 | 218.6 | -3.0 | -11 |
| Day 5 | 11/5/2010 | 218.6 | 0.0 | -11 |
| Day 6 | 11/6/2010 | 216.4 | -2.2 | -13.2 |
| Day 7 | 11/7/2010 | 215.8 | -0.6 | -13.8 |
| Week 1 summary: down 13.8 # | ||||
| Day 8 | 11/8/2010 | 214.8 | -1.0 | -14.8 |
| Day 9 | 11/9/2010 | 215.4 | 0.6 | -14.2 |
| Day 10 | 11/10/2010 | 213.8 | -1.6 | -15.8 |
| Day 11 | 11/11/2010 | 213.6 | -0.2 | -16 |
| Day 12 | 11/12/2010 | 215 | 1.4 | 14.6 |
| Day 13 | 11/13/2010 | 213 | -2.0 | -16.6 |
| Day 14 | 11/14/2010 | 212.2 | -0.8 | -17.4 |
| Week 2 summary: down 3.6 # this week; 17.4 # total | ||||
| Day 15 | 11/15/2010 | 212.4 | 0.2 | -17.2 |
| Day 16 | 11/16/2010 | 210 | -2.4 | -19.6 |
| Day 17 | 11/17/2010 | 210.2 | 0.2 | 19.4 |
| Day 18 | 11/18/2010 | 209.4 | -0.8 | 20.2 |
| Day 19 | 11/19/2010 | 208.6 | -0.8 | 21 |
| Day 20 | 11/20/2010 | 208 | -0.8 | 21.8 |
| Day 21 | 11/21/2010 | 207.6 | -0.4 | -22 |
| Week 3 summary: down 4.8# this week; 22 total | ||||
| Day 22 | 11/22/2010 | 206.6 | -1.0 | -23 |
| Day 23 | 11/23/2010 | 207 | 0.4 | -22.6 |
| Day 24 | 11/24/2010 | 206.6 | -0.4 | -23 |
| Day 25 | 11/25/2010 | 205 | -1.6 | -24.6 |
| Day 26 | 11/26/2010 | 204.6 | -0.4 | -25 |
| Day 27 | 11/27/2010 | 204.6 | 0.0 | -25 |
| Day 28 | 11/28/2010 | 203.6 | -1.0 | -26 |
| Week 4 summary: down 3# this week; 25 total | ||||
| Day 29 | 11/29/2010 | 203.2 | -0.4 | -26.4 |
| Day 30 | 11/30/2010 | 203.2 | 0.0 | -26.4 |
Monday, November 29, 2010
Starting Week Five (P2, D29)
Very small loss this morning (-0.4) but I woke up really excited and hopeful about starting a new week. I have two weeks left, and I realize I'm getting obsessive, anxious, and really focused on numbers and what maintenance will bring. I keep looking at the last 10 days or so as a mini-plateau, but two Mondays ago I was 212.4 and two weeks later, I am 203. That's actually really awesome, and I don't know why I need to undermine my success. It's my perfectionist-yet-underachiever thing at work, I think.
So today, I'm resolving just to work the plan the best I can, mix it up a bit where it makes sense, and just let go of the obsessive focus I've had the last week, which did not do me a bit of good.
I need to bring calm focus to all areas of my life including my job, my marriage, my weight loss protocol, my relationship with my children, and the fucking holidays. I think "calm focus" can be best summed up by the Serenity Prayer, which has always spoken to me (even when I was a child), even though I have not, until very recently, identified as an addict. I am just a puppet master who likes to be the boss of everything.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
So I woke up this morning with a spring in my step. I had grapefruit for breakfast instead of waiting until lunch to eat anything. Did a work conference call, then felt scattered, so instead of fucking around on Facebook, I took a very brisk 45 minute walk. I did a lot of thinking on that walk that I think was very helpful to me. I don't spend very much time alone with my thoughts (I prefer to be busy and distracted), and whenever I do it, I can usually uncover something valuable. Plus, I got to listen to really good music.
I did that on Saturday, too. R and I got in a fight and I took a walk (instead of eating, crying, fuming, shopping, or any of the other coping techniques I might usually employ). Wow, this looks remarkably like sanity!
When I returned from my walk this morning, I straightened my office (sometimes I think I need an organized environment in order to have an organized head). Then I began work in earnest around 11 a.m. I worked two solid hours before losing my focus again. So here I am.
Anyway, the point is that I am renewing my commitment to this diet for the last two weeks. It never really waned, and I think I've been doing everything right, but I'm going to try some new tactics this week and see what happens:
Onward, ho!
So today, I'm resolving just to work the plan the best I can, mix it up a bit where it makes sense, and just let go of the obsessive focus I've had the last week, which did not do me a bit of good.
I need to bring calm focus to all areas of my life including my job, my marriage, my weight loss protocol, my relationship with my children, and the fucking holidays. I think "calm focus" can be best summed up by the Serenity Prayer, which has always spoken to me (even when I was a child), even though I have not, until very recently, identified as an addict. I am just a puppet master who likes to be the boss of everything.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
So I woke up this morning with a spring in my step. I had grapefruit for breakfast instead of waiting until lunch to eat anything. Did a work conference call, then felt scattered, so instead of fucking around on Facebook, I took a very brisk 45 minute walk. I did a lot of thinking on that walk that I think was very helpful to me. I don't spend very much time alone with my thoughts (I prefer to be busy and distracted), and whenever I do it, I can usually uncover something valuable. Plus, I got to listen to really good music.
I did that on Saturday, too. R and I got in a fight and I took a walk (instead of eating, crying, fuming, shopping, or any of the other coping techniques I might usually employ). Wow, this looks remarkably like sanity!
When I returned from my walk this morning, I straightened my office (sometimes I think I need an organized environment in order to have an organized head). Then I began work in earnest around 11 a.m. I worked two solid hours before losing my focus again. So here I am.
Anyway, the point is that I am renewing my commitment to this diet for the last two weeks. It never really waned, and I think I've been doing everything right, but I'm going to try some new tactics this week and see what happens:
- mix it up with eating times. I have gotten in the habit of having only coffee for breakfast and not eating food until lunch. I'm going to play around with eating a fruit for breakfast or maybe even trying a double protein lunch and no dinner.
- I'm going back to eating only chicken and grass-fed beef. I've been adding some shrimp, tuna, white fish and other meats for variety, but my weight loss has also slowed down. Who knows if that is why.
- exercise every day, even if only briefly. I had so much time off last week with the kids and holiday schedules that I missed a lot of days.
- water: I've been getting lazy about water since it's gotten really cold here. I've definitely been getting 64 oz, but some days not more than that, and I am recommitting to drink at least 100 oz a day (48 oz so far today at 2:00 EST)
- stop stressing about the numbers on the scale. They are what they are, and what I lose in 40 days is what I lose in 40 days.
- stop stressing about maintenance, which isn't happening for 2 more weeks anyway.
Onward, ho!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
On Being a Woman (P2, D24)
That's a poetic title for a post, but really I just mean I got my period, and I'm stalled. Looking on the bright side, at least it means I'm not pregnant!
I guess I will catch up at the end of the week?
Thanksgiving is at my Dad's house. It will be stressful and not fun and not delicious, but it's only one Thanksgiving in a lifetime of Thanksgivings. Actually, both times before when I've lost a significant amount of weight, I've done it during the holidays. I think it signifies extra commitment to me or something.
I am having a really hard time giving away the clothes I'm shrinking out of. I don't mind giving away the biggest ones, the ones I wear at 235. But I can't get my mind around giving away the ones I wear at 215 because I'm just not yet convinced I'll never need them again. I know it's an important psychological step and I need to do it.
| Day 22 | 11/22/2010 | 206.6 | -1.0 | -23 |
| Day 23 | 11/23/2010 | 207 | 0.4 | -22.6 |
| Day 24 | 11/24/2010 | 206.6 | -0.4 | -23 |
I guess I will catch up at the end of the week?
Thanksgiving is at my Dad's house. It will be stressful and not fun and not delicious, but it's only one Thanksgiving in a lifetime of Thanksgivings. Actually, both times before when I've lost a significant amount of weight, I've done it during the holidays. I think it signifies extra commitment to me or something.
I am having a really hard time giving away the clothes I'm shrinking out of. I don't mind giving away the biggest ones, the ones I wear at 235. But I can't get my mind around giving away the ones I wear at 215 because I'm just not yet convinced I'll never need them again. I know it's an important psychological step and I need to do it.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Blergh (P2, D12)
Okay, FINE! I'll stop using mint toothpaste! I'll stop eating eggs. I'll stop using the Burts Bees lip balm with trace amounts of oil in it. I keep saying that I haven't cheated once, and I haven't. I haven't eaten one single thing not allowed by the protocol. But I have done these other little things that you aren't supposed to do that don't make sense to me, so I've been doing them and it's been fine. But I've had eggs two days in a row now (same calories as chicken, dammit) which seems to be the most obvious culprit. But I'm cleaning up my act on all these fronts just to be sure. Why not?
Meanwhile, GRRRR. I am back to the weight I was at 5 freaking days ago. Grrr. Does that count as a 3-day stall or do I have to actually be at the same weight for 3 days?
You'll notice I am not as eager to post early and often when I'm not losing four pounds a day!!
Meanwhile, GRRRR. I am back to the weight I was at 5 freaking days ago. Grrr. Does that count as a 3-day stall or do I have to actually be at the same weight for 3 days?
| Day | Date | Weight | Daily Change | Total Loss |
| Day 1 | 11/1/2010 | 229.6 | n/a | n/a |
| Day 2 | 11/2/2010 | 225.6 | -4 | -4 |
| Day 3 | 11/3/2010 | 221.6 | -4 | -8 |
| Day 4 | 11/4/2010 | 218.6 | -3 | -11 |
| Day 5 | 11/5/2010 | 218.6 | 0 | -11 |
| Day 6 | 11/6/2010 | 216.4 | -2.2 | -13.2 |
| Day 7 | 11/7/2010 | 215.8 | -0.6 | -13.8 |
| Day 8 | 11/8/2010 | 214.8 | -1 | -14.8 |
| Day 9 | 11/9/2010 | 215.4 | 0.6 | -14.2 |
| Day 10 | 11/10/2010 | 213.8 | -1.6 | -15.8 |
| Day 11 | 11/11/2010 | 213.6 | -0.2 | -16 |
| Day 12 | 11/12/2010 | 215 | 1.4 | 14.6 |
You'll notice I am not as eager to post early and often when I'm not losing four pounds a day!!
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