This is not at all what I expected.
Only three days in, I know, but this is easy! I will admit to throwing most of my rules out the window after the first day, because it is damn near impossible to get anywhere CLOSE to enough calories eating only lean meats and vegetables and fruits. So while I planned to wait weeks before adding much dairy or nuts, I did some of both on the second day. You know what else I did on the second day? I went out to a Tunisian restaurant before going to a play with some friends, and ordered a chicken kebab that was served on a bed of cous cous, and I ate some of the cous cous, which is a whole grain, but is still a grain, which is completely verboten for 3 weeks. I know, I am TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL. I ate less than half a cup, maybe even closer to a quarter of a cup, but I had some. I also had ONE of my friend's corn fritters (sweet corn deep fried), which was about the size of a plantain slice, and which was delicious.
Out of habit, I am going to that comfortable place of beating myself up for not sticking to the plan. But I really feel fine about it. This feels like adaptability and flexibility rather than failure. My weight is totally stable so far, though who knows if it will stay that way. I am gradually increasing my calories, so even though I'm eating some new foods, I'm still eating fewer calories than I need to eventually be eating. I wonder if the composition of food (i.e. fats and carbs) will make a bigger difference when I am eating closer to 1800-2000 calories a day.
I read on SparkPeople that when you are going from a weight loss plan to a weight maintenance plan, you should increase your calories by around 200 a day. Since my plan was to count calories but not let the counting dictate the intake too much, I haven't gone at that exact pace, but I definitely haven't gone right to 2000 calories from 500.
Buy y'all, this feels easy and normal. I don't even know how to describe how surprised I am and how weird it feels. I have been super busy at work, but I am just going about my day, eating when I get hungry, eating food that tastes good and enjoying it. WHAT IS UP WITH THIS MADNESS?
Do you know what happened to me today? I ate a banana and was entering it into my food diary on Spark People. Now, normally when I am entering a banana into a food diary, I can easily convince myself that every banana is a small banana. I can eat a banana that is 10" long, and I will say to myself, "yep, I'd call that a small banana." After all, a large banana can be 40-50 calories more than a small banana. So today? I ate what was probably a medium banana and found myself wanting to log it as a large banana because I'm having trouble eating all my calories. WHAT?!?!? Same thing with the trail mix. Normally a heaping 1/4 cup translates to a quarter cup; today I counted a sparse quarter cup as a quarter cup. This is truly Bizarro World for me. The lesson, I suppose, is that in both regular world and Bizarro World, I don't know the difference between a large and a small banana (insert penis joke here).
I feel like a NORMAL person around food. I had that small, quarter cup of trail mix today, and it was enough. I had the slightest compulsive eating twinge (the twinges of I WANT MORE even if I don't need more), but it was so easy to let it go.
I know this is the very beginning, and I know this hasn't gotten hard yet. I know I will have to be vigilant, and that my emotional eating issues have plenty of time to rear their ugly heads. I also know that maybe it really is too soon for this kind of eating, and I might see a weird and large gain any day now, in which case I will calmly and easily adjust back and take out some of the nuts and dairy again for awhile.
However, I am going to try very hard to stay off of 100% processed carbs and sugar for the first three weeks, no matter how well things go or how cocky I get. I may try some brown rice, starchy veggies and legumes, etc. sine the cous cous was fine, but I'm not going to mess with any white sugar, pasta, white rice, bread, etc. for at least the first three weeks and maybe the whole six weeks of maintenance. My other hard and fast rule is no eating after 8 p.m. I'm hungry right now, but not famished.
That's another thing that is so weird. I totally know I can handle hunger now. I have eaten shit so many times in my life because I was hungry and didn't have the time/ energy/ money/ whatever to eat something healthy. But dude, I just ate 500 calories for 40 days! (My friend B pointed out that was 20,000 calories more than Jesus had during Lent. Ha.) I can wait fucking 10 minutes to saute a chicken breast instead of eating a box of crackers, you know?
Meanwhile, holy shit. I thought I was amazed during the HCG phase, but I am really amazed now. If it stays like this even for a week or two, it will feel miraculous to me. It's fucking Christmas, y'all, and I don't hate myself or my family! There's a first for everything!
| Day | Date | Weight | Calories | Exercise |
| Day 1 | 12/14/2010 | 198.2 | 967.0 | none |
| Day 2 | 12/15/2010 | 198.6 | 1437.0 | pilates |
| Day 3 | 12/16/2010 | 198.4 | 1460.0 | none |
I'm SO GLAD Kat, and DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP! Why is all of the above not good? No one has to be perfect, not even you. It sounds divine and like you're doing great, great, great! This is what life is supposed to be like.
ReplyDeleteMaya Angelou just came out with a new book about portion sizes and how she scaled way down and is so happy now. I think we could roll with that, don't you?
Merry Christmas, you deserve it, Kat!
you know, i am finding that some days i feel like i am pigging out and when it's all said and done, it's still less than 1500 calories. i think that going at 500 cal for a while (and you did it for waaaay longer than me) really resets what feels normal for a person.
ReplyDeletei also think that you have discovered something that anorexics have known forever--not eating gives you a sense of power, in that you are conquering your body in a way. i think that's actually a real draw of this diet. discovering that power within yourself. it's just a matter of keeping it all in perspective.
also, if this diet can somehow make a person not hate their family during the holidays, i think that it is truly a voodoo miracle, and sign me up for those damn drops!