Monday, November 8, 2010

The Crazy Train (P2, D8)

Lost another pound today, but I think it's because I ate 289 calories yesterday. I waited so long to eat in the afternoon that I felt queasy and couldn't eat lunch, so I didn't. I basically only ate dinner yesterday (chicken, cucumber, apple) and 2 oranges. I KNOW the weight loss is going to slow down, so I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for the fact that I will not always lose a pound a day. There will be many days where I don't lose anything or lose only 0.2 or something.

So my total for week one is 14.8 pounds! I definitely feel it today, mostly in my belly and face. My clothes tend to be loose fitting, so it's harder to tell in my clothes, but I can just feel it in my body when I am walking around. I wonder when I should pull out my next size down of clothing to see if any of my old stuff fits again. Maybe when I've lost 20 pounds?
DayDateWeightDaily ChangeTotal Loss
Day 111/1/2010229.6n/an/a
Day 211/2/2010225.6-4-4
Day 311/3/2010221.6-4-8
Day 411/4/2010218.6-3-11
Day 511/5/2010218.60-11
Day 611/6/2010216.42.2-13.2
Day 711/7/2010215.80.6-13.8
Day 811/8/2010214.81-14.8

Back to the 300 calorie day yesterday, which leads me to the title of this post: the Crazy Train. I felt so strong and virtuous that I only ate 289 calories. I was freaking miserable--queasy, starving, grumpy, light headed, and unhappy, but I felt so damn proud of myself. Now, no one will ever accuse me of anorexic behavior, but that is a weird kind of anorexic mindset, isn't it? Woo hoo! I am eating so little that my body can barely function, but I know I will lose weight so it's okay!

I think I have to watch out for this. This is not about virtue or pride. It is not virtuous to eat too little. If I think of this as a necessary detox or cleanse that will last 40 days, I think it makes sense. If I think of it as some kind of contest for who can deprive themselves the most and be the skinniest, it is just stupid. I should try to get the maximum nutrition from the food I can have and not skimp on calories.

So that's my lesson for the day. Stay off the crazy train, and being hungry does not make you a better, nobler person.
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1 comment:

  1. OliviaNovember 8, 2010 at 9:20 PM

    14.8 pounds is tremendous, Kat. Truly amazing! I wouldn't worry that it doesn't come off evenly as the body has its wisdom about shedding weight.

    Oh boy, I know that Crazy Train feeling. I think it is somewhat reactive to all of those times of feeling shame and out of control for overeating. Still, it isn't something to be practiced, at least for me either, but just to think of my body and not my pride, as you said.

    Onward to tomorrow!

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