Self Kindness

You didn't know I was going to get all hippy dippy on your asses, did you? ;)

Did my first yoga class today. The instructor kept reminding us to honor ourselves, our bodies and our practice. I spent most of the hour saying horrible things to myself in my head:

"If you weren't so fat, you wouldn't be out of breath."
"Your body looks so disgusting in that mirror."
"Look at how skinny the person next to you is."
"Look at the way your flabby arms move when you raise them over your head."
"Tug your shirt down over your fat stomach."
"Of course you can't hold yourself in down dog as long as everyone else, you're holding twice as much weight up."

If anyone else talked to me like that, and I mean ANYONE, I would get them out of my life so fast their head would spin. I apparently won't tolerate that kind of abuse from anyone but myself.

Anne Lamott talks about treating her thighs as kind and cherished older relatives; her "aunties." When she is feeling hostile toward her own body, she anoints the areas bearing the brunt of her ire in nice smelling creams, she dresses carefully, and she cares for her body tenderly and appreciatively.

This is easier said than done.

This body grew two children and carried them under its heart for nine months each. This body birthed two children naturally and then sustained them on its milk until they were old enough for other food. This body carries me every day to do the things I need to do for my work and my family. This body trained for a triathlon. Yes, it is overweight. Yes, I have neglected it in many, many ways. Yes, it would be able to do more if it were smaller, just as there was a time when it could have done more things if it were bigger.

I will try to stop abusing my body with terrible food, terrible words, and inaction. I will try to stop thinking horrible, cruel things when I see it in the mirror, regardless of how much weight I lose.