Phase 2, Day 5 (P2, D5)

I am questioning the precision and accuracy of my scale. My first weigh-in today was 218.6, same as yesterday. That surprised me a bit, not because I'm greedy and unhappy with what I've lost, but just because I continue to be letter perfect and wouldn't have expected a stall so soon, even after pretty quick weight loss.

So I weighed myself again and got 219.4, then 217.2, then 219.8, then 218.4, etc. All within about a three-pound range. K pointed out that basically I need to look at this scale as if it has a 2 pound margin of error. It seems to be directionally accurate (a phrase statisticians loathe) but not precise. That's going to make it hard to identify when I have specific slip ups or mistakes that cause a weight gain.

So what I might do is start weighing myself once a week at the gym, because they have a doctor's scale. It's a pain to do it every day because I would have to go first thing in the morning, which is already crazy enough with getting kids ready for school, carpools, getting ready for work, etc. But once a week I can manage, and it will give me a bigger picture sense of what's happening.

Day	Date	Weight	Daily Change	Total Loss
Day 1	11/1/2010	229.6	n/a	n/a
Day 2	11/2/2010	225.6	-4	-4
Day 3	11/3/2010	221.6	-4	-8
Day 4	11/4/2010	218.6	-3	-11
Day 5	11/5/2010	218.6	0	-11

I am happy to report on day 5 that the hunger is getting marginally better, or maybe I'm just getting more used to it. I have been feeling famished by mid-morning and have usually been eating an apple in the morning instead of with my lunch because I just don't feel like I can wait.

Today, I definitely felt hungry all day, but also got caught up on the phone and didn't eat anything at all until 1:30. I felt like I was starving, but apparently not so starving that I managed to eat at noon like I have been doing. So that seems like it's improving somewhat.

Random observations:

1) Food definitely has more flavor. Eating even very simple foods has been satisfying flavor-wise for me. I haven't been doing recipes, mostly just simply seasoned pan-grilled meat over whatever veggie I'm having. It actually all tastes really good to me.

2) I'm foregoing the stevia for the time being, even though it is allowed. Part of this diet for me is about resetting my brain and my attitude, and I think I need to get away from the intense sugar cravings. I had some stevia in my herbal tea the first day, and it was ok, but it's okay without it too. I may fold on this eventually, but for now, no stevia.

3) I have serious humiliation at my "number," aka, my weight. I have a lot of skinny friends who I trust to be gentle with me if I share this blog with them or the fact that I am doing this diet. But I am horrified at the idea of a friend who thinks 150 pounds on her own body is fat seeing that I top the scales at 218 AFTER I've lost 11 pounds. It's just mortifying to think about. I cringe even though I know in my head that 1) they won't judge me 2) no one cares about this as much as I do and 3) anyone who does care about it can probably figure out what I weigh within 10 pounds or so ANYWAY. It's just that for women, that 200 mark is such a source of shame. Women are not supposed to weigh more than 200 pounds, period.

Hey, here's a free tip. If you are fat, don't spend a lot of timing looking at heights and weights of NFL players. There are too many male, professional athletes my height (5'9") that weigh in the 180-195 range. Ugh. Even Serena Williams who is a strong, powerful, BUILT, and hardly slender woman is 5'10" and 185.

My friend K had a brilliant suggestion. She said I should measure my weight in a unit that has no meaning or baggage for me, like kilos or stones (inspired by Bridget Jones' diary). So if it gives me heart palpitations to say that I weigh 218 pounds, I could also just say I weigh 15.5 stones or 98.9 kilos. So I weigh 15.5 stones today and 15.3 stones tomorrow. Nobody knows that that's as much as a professional baseball player weighs. It's just a number. Yes, I think that does feel much better.

4) R (my husband) is getting more and more supportive every day. He was really not happy about this diet at first, but is coming along.

5) I still feel shy about telling people what I'm doing. It just seems so crazy and irresponsible to take a homeopathic form of a female hormone and combine it with a starvation diet to lose weight. It just seems impossible that I will be able to keep it off long term. I will write more in an upcoming post about why this appeals to me so much even though it is so extreme.

6) I have felt really good this week, despite feeling intense hunger at times. Today is the first day I don't feel super energetic and happy and upbeat. I wonder if that's because I didn't lose today, so I feel less excited or if the low-cal thing is just catching up with me. I have done yoga twice this week and taken a short walk; my goal next week will be to pay more attention to exercise.

7) I'm going to another party tonight. My plan is to bring my own food and tell people I'm on a detox diet. Tomorrow night is date night with R. We're going to have to figure out something that doesn't involve dinner!