Settling In (P2, Day 6&7)

A week in, and I'm starting to settle in to this diet and seeing what it feels like to just have it working into my regular life. The early euphora of "holy shit, this is really working!" is starting to wear off just the slightest bit. I am still really excited and happy about the continuing weight loss, but I'm already getting tired of the bland diet (which is only bland because I've been too lazy to look up any recipes).

I've had a very normal week, and normal for us is a party on Monday at a friend's house for Day of the Dead, a meeting on Tuesday night, pottery class on Thursday night, a potluck dinner on Friday night with a bunch of other families, and a nonprofit auction today for a local group. Each and every time I have made my own food in advance and taken it with me. Each and every time I have felt a mix of resentment and pious pride that I am going to such extremes. I have not cheated once. I have not eaten one.single.thing that I wasn't supposed to, despite temptations.

That worked until today, when I fixed some shrimp and greens to take with me to the auction for lunch (while everyone else dined on delicious catered food), but my 2 year old split his forehead open at a playground and had to go to the ER for stitches (he is totally fine, by the way). I left the auction to be with him, and then didn't eat anything until 3:00 p.m. (which was really 4 p.m. because of daylight savings) and I could NOT stomach the shrimp at that point. I was feeling really queasy and weak, so I just ate two oranges and had some tea, and I'm going to try chicken at dinner in an hour or so, which should agree with my stomach more. So I didn't cheat, but I don't feel great.

I'm still losing weight, which is awesome. Down 2.2 yesterday and 0.6 today for a total of 13.8 in one week. That would seriously take me 2-3 months in Weight Watchers. It is blowing my mind that I've done it in 7 days.

Day	Weight	Daily Change	Total Loss
Day 1	229.6	n/a	n/a
Day 2	225.6	-4	-4
Day 3	221.6	-4	-8
Day 4	218.6	-3	-11
Day 5	218.6	0	-11
Day 6	216.4	2.2	-13.2
Day 7	215.8	0.6	-13.8

For the most part, the worst of the hunger has passed for now. It's still there, for sure. When I check in with my body, I am hungry pretty much all day long. I wonder if that will really go away. When people say you stop being hungry, do they mean you just get used to it? That's what I feel like is happening to me. It's not that I'm not hungry, I just don't notice as much. However, the cravings have really started up. Three days ago, I would have eaten any kind of food you let me eat and wasn't having really specific or terrible cravings. But yesterday and today, as the hunger has become more manageable while the cravings are poking up.

R and I went to the movies last night, and I brought my sad little apple so that I would have something to eat. He didn't get anything for himself because he is a prince among men. The smell of popcorn was so delicious to me. It's interesting because normally I am a sweet person--I got fat from eating candy and cookies and ice cream. But what I've been craving is salty stuff--peanuts, cheeseburgers, cheese, and movie popcorn with lots of butter. Those are all normally things I have no trouble turning down. Meanwhile, my house is FULL of Halloween candy and it isn't tempting me much at all. 

It is interesting to notice and feel the difference between hunger and cravings; a difference I'm not sure I could have identified before I started this. It's interesting that my body, when on what is essentially a starvation diet, craves salty, nutrient rich foods instead of the sweet, empty-calorie foods it usually craves.

Part of what I hope to achieve with this regiment is not only resetting my metabolism (like I said, I am not totally convinced that the homeopathic HCG is doing much) but resetting my brain and my body toward food as a fuel rather than an addiction. I want to learn what real hunger feels like. I want to learn that feeling hungry or deprived is not the end of the world. I want to learn what a smaller, healthy, fit body feels like so that I am motivated to maintain it.

Also, I really want a cheeseburger. From Five Guys. Mmmm.

Onward and Upward! One week down, five to go!